Manuel & Holli

Today I Learned...

2012-01-18T21:54:00.000-08:00

That admitting you're wrong, and asking forgiveness is hard to do.
It kind of makes you want to throw up.
And then I realized, the hardest part of all,
is waiting for others to forgive you.

I Did Something Terrifying...

2012-01-16T12:03:00.000-08:00

cooked

wheat

berries.

And

turned

them

into

this

And

most

importantly,

didn't

kill

me.

Who knew?

The Hard Stuff

2012-01-12T15:13:00.000-08:00

I have to say, I am SO happy for a new year. I hated 2011. With a passion. Yes, I received a beautiful baby boy out of the deal, but the rest of it, for lack of a better word... sucked. I did learn a lot, and grew a lot, but I wish I didn't have to grow in that way. No one should have to. Ever. I've known of people to wish miscarriages on others, or fake a miscarriage, and I can tell you from personal experience, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. And I can't have respect for anyone that would wish that on someone.

Grieving is weird. One minute, you think things are looking up, and you're starting to heal. Then something comes along and knocks you back down, much farther down than you would like, and it feels like you have to start all over again. Recently, a few friends of mine have experienced losses of their own. Each one is different, but they're all heartbreaking. I've learned that you never forget the emotion you feel after you've lost a child. Even if you're in a good place, all of the emotions come rushing back when you find out someone has experienced a loss of their own. It's just not easy. I've learned throughout the year that it will never be easy.

I've really struggled lately. I had mentioned Christmas putting me into a funk, and I got out of that. Lately, I've just felt... weird. I feel like I can hardly keep up with life. I feel like my house is never as clean as I would like it to be. My basement is driving me insane because every time I clean and re-organize, my kids trash it within minutes. I feel like a horrible mother. I feel like a failure. I know so many women that are SO amazing. I'd really say out of all of my friends, I am the least talented. I don't have anything that is unique to me. There isn't anything I could say I was REALLY good at either. Probably mediocre at just about everything I do. I feel horribly inadequate in my church calling. Inadequate as a wife and mother... at just about everything. Please know that I am not sharing this for pity. I am sharing it because I believe it to be true, and I absolutely cannot stand it.

Not too long ago, I shared a thought in our presidency meeting. It was from the talk that President Uchtdorf gave in Women's Conference, entitled, Forget Me Not. It is absolutely beautiful, and I know it was in there for me. Here's one of my favorite quotes:

I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.

Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.

And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

It’s wonderful that you have strengths.

And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses.

God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths,¹ but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect,² and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.

So I read this, and I know it's for me. I love it, but for some reason, I can't get past these feelings of inadequacy. All I know is I need to knock it off and get over myself. Like President Uchtdorf says, I need to stop punishing myself. It's something I know I need to work on. Maybe I need to get some less-wonderful friends so I'll feel better about myself. Just kidding, I really couldn't do that. My friends are pretty amazing.

Accepting and working on my weaknesses, and trying to acknowledge my strengths is definitely something that will be placed on my list of Goals for the year. If you've ever watched Friends, you may have heard about a "thing." A "thing" is something that you are known for. It's not always positive, but everyone has "things" they are known for. Not too long ago, I had a discussion with one of my best friends in the whole world. I told her that I felt like I didn't have a "thing" and that it really bothered me. I think it went along with all of my feelings of inadequacy. For Christmas, she gave me something that brought tears to my eyes when I saw it- a list of "Holli's Things" she created for me. I will treasure it always, and I think it was something I needed to hear. It was comforting to know that even when I don't feel important, other people think I am.

Manuel and I had a talk a couple weeks ago about family and personal goals for 2012. Actually, Manuel was really cute and set a personal goal for me because he knew I wouldn't do it myself. Sometimes I hate that he knows me so well. :)

Anyway, here's a few of my goals:
Daily prayer & scripture study

Build up food storage

Learn how to use wheat
Work towards losing 30 more pounds (lost 20 last year!)

Get the house organized

I've already started on some of these, and I am hoping to blog about them in the coming weeks! Yay for 2012!

Five Months!

2012-01-03T13:24:00.000-08:00

FIVE months?! I can't believe our little Mr Prickle Pants is five months old! He is in such a fun stage right now. He is always smiling and babbling. Lately, when he gets upset he goes, "mummm" which I think is adorable. He loves to make noises with his mouth, and is a little too enthusiastic when it comes to sucking his fingers. I really wish he wouldn't!
A few weeks ago he rolled from back to stomach! This is the pic I caught after his rollover. He had been working on it for a couple weeks before he figured out how to pull his arm out from under his body. Now whenever he is on the floor, the first thing he does is get on his stomach. Then he realizes how much he hates being on his stomach, and demands that I come pick him up.

Ben is loved by everyone that knows him! The boys adore him, maybe even a little too much at times. I'm always telling Sam and Mateo to get out of his face. Poor Ben always has someone bugging him! He has recently decided that he loves his pacifier, but he only wants it when he's ready for a nap, which is fine by me! I was horrible with the first two, and always nursed them to sleep. I decided that wasn't going to happen with Ben all the time. It is so nice to be able to get him to sleep without nursing. I just wish it didn't take me until my third kid to figure all of this out!

My super talented friend, Megan, made this hat for Ben for Christmas. I absolutely LOVE it!

Ben looks so stinking cute in it! I snapped a couple pics of Ben today. He's kind of too cute for his own good.:)

Enjoy!

4 Christmases

2011-12-28T13:06:00.001-08:00

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas.

I hate to admit the fact that I

just wasn't into Christmas this year,

but I will confess:

It just wasn't working for me.

My mom even decorated my tree

because I just wasn't feeling it.

Now that Christmas is over,

I feel really bad that I

wasn't in the spirit of things.

I had a friend go through a

really hard trial

that brought up a lot of

emotion for me.

I really hate the hard stuff.

Anyway, I think I'm back to normal now.

Or at least my version of "normal."

So back to my original thought:

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas.

Ours was exceptionally lovely.

We basically had 4 Christmases this year.

Blogger officially hates me,

and I attempted to upload pics

five times.

Literally.

It didn't work, so I had to limit my pics,

which really bums me out.

Stupid Blogger.

Anyway, back to our 4 Christmases.

First, was Christmas Eve breakfast with

my dad and Katie.

We had a nice little visit before

they had to head up to their house

in a nearby state.

Before we headed to Grandma & Grandpa's

for Christmas Eve dinner,

we opened our Christmas pajamas

and the boys each received a book.

It was a tradition I started when Sam was

a baby.

Sam received, The Bippolo Seed by Dr Seuss

Mateo received, Don't let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!" by Mo Willems

and Ben received That's Not my Polar Bear

Our second Christmas was our traditional Christmas Eve dinner at my parents' house. Do you like Ben's trick? I don't know why dads do this, and it kind of freaks me out, but no one listens to me. Christmas Eve dinner is my favorite. Instead of turkey or ham and all of that stuff, we do soup and bread bowls. I love it. My mom made her cheesy potato soup, Michael made turkey chili, and I made chicken enchilada soup. We had a great time together, but I have to admit it just wasn't the same without Jesse.

We were all spoiled rotten, as usual! Sam and Mateo have been into Star Wars lately. They've never seen any of the movies, but they enjoy the toys for sure. Mateo had received some of the Star Wars toys for his birthday, and my mom decided they needed a complete set. :) They also received some awesome books, Legos, clothes, and some more awesome toys. Aunt Allison even gave the boys her old iPod touch. Seriously spoiled! I was most excited for our waffle maker. We've never owned one so it is definitely a treat! Manuel loves waffles, so we've already put the waffle maker to good use. In fact, I'm pretty sure we had waffles for lunch last Saturday. :)

Christmas #3 was our little Christmas. As usual, Santa did not disappoint. Sam had been asking for a Toy Story 3 Lego Duplo train set ever since he saw one at my friend, Kristy's house. When anyone would ask him what he wanted Santa to bring him, he would spout out: "A Toy Story three Lego Duplo train!" It reminded me of Ralphie from A Christmas Story. Santa was sure to bring him his Toy Story train! I have to say that each Christmas is more exciting than the one before. It's so fun to see the kids get excited for Christmas. We had an FHE lesson about the nativity story and we made sure Sam knew why we celebrated Christmas. I was worried that Santa would push everything else to the bottom of the list of importance. We made sure to try to keep Jesus at the top this year. I plan on doing so every year.

The boys' reaction to their toys from Santa. :) I used to get SO mad at my parents because they would always make us wait to go see what Santa brought us. We'd wait for my dad to have the camera all ready, then we'd wait for my mom to give us the go ahead. It felt like an eternity! We always joked that we'd go down and see before our parents got up, but we knew we'd be dead. :) I get it now though. You go through the entire Christmas season anticipating the looks on your kids' faces when they see their gifts. It makes all of the stress worth it. Christmas is so magical with little kids around! After it was all over, I found myself wishing I hadn't been in such a funk. I feel like I missed out on a lot of things because of it. I know it will always be hard, but I hope the worst is behind us. I really can't wait for a new year.

Cute little Ben! He liked what Santa brought him too! He got a Sleep Sac and a tray for his Bumbo seat. I think Ben was the hardest to shop for because he really didn't need very much. I felt like he still needed something under the tree. Especially from Santa!

While this is a rather awkward pic of Sam, I had to share this little story. We have a lot of random things in our shed. Sam had found a belt with jingle bells on it. He assumed it belonged to Santa, and had written him a letter that told him Sam would return his jingle belt if Santa brought him presents. Before they went to bed, the boys left cookies and the belt on the counter for Santa. When they woke up the next morning, Santa had brought them presents, ate the cookies, and left a letter! Sam was pretty excited.

Our 4th Christmas, was at Manuel's parents' house. I love Christmas dinner because it's always Mexican food, and always delicious! We exchanged gifts and just spent time together.

Hope your Christmas was great too! I am definitely looking forward to a new year!

Farewell Elder B!

2011-12-15T10:39:00.000-08:00

My little brother entered the MTC today. Yes, a day later than normal, but some freak stomach bug wiped my family out starting Monday night. Luckily, the bug skipped our house, but everyone else was sick, sick, sick. My mom was thoughtful enough to keep this nastiness out of the MTC, which translated to an extra day with Jesse.

We had a little family party yesterday. My mom made Chinese food and sugar cookies. I made a lemon bundt cake at Jesse's request, which his stupid dog ate while we were at the Stake Center. I hate that dog. I had never attended a setting apart for a missionary before. It was incredible. I can't stop thinking about some of the specific blessings that were promised to my brother and our family. Jesse's decision to serve a mission will bring so many amazing things to our family.

Jesse is such a fun-loving, laid back guy. I know that he will do amazing things in Wisconsin. I was having a really hard time with him leaving. I cried almost every time he would hold or play with one of my boys. The other night I was able to spend some one-on-one time with him. We talked, and laughed, and joked around like we normally do. He told me how excited he was to serve his mission, and I realized that I needed to stop being so sad. He is doing something amazing and wonderul, and I needed to stop being so selfish. I was doing well at the no crying thing, until I had to say goodbye to him last night. The little punk hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I had to get the heck out of there before I lost it right in front of him.

I've reminded myself numerous times that Jesse leaving for 2 years to serve the Lord is a sacrifice and it's supposed to be hard. It wouldn't bless so many people if it wasn't a sacrifice! I am so proud of my little brother for being a worthy priesthood holder, and for his decision to serve a mission. He is such a great example to all of us, especially to my boys. Sam will always remember Uncle Jesse going on a mission. I hope Mateo will remember it too. I just hope the next two years fly by!

3 Years & 4 Months

2011-12-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

Mateo and Ben shared a little celebration on the 3rd. Mateo had his 3rd birthday, and Ben was officially 4 months old. Mateo decided on a Phineas and Ferb birthday party. (He tried changing it to super heroes at the last minute, but I wouldn't allow it. You can't do that to a mom!) I'm a freak and like everything to follow the set theme. I had been thinking about his party as soon as Sam's party was over. For lunch, we had ham & cheese and peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. I wish I would have taken a picture of everything all set up. Phineas and Ferb is about 2 boys and all of their summertime shenanigans. What do you eat for lunch on summer break? Sandwiches! I put each sandwich in its own brown bag, then I had little cups with carrots and ranch dip. We also had chips, bottled water, and juice boxes. My brother-in-law was rather peeved about the menu at the birthday party. 1) That is incredibly rude and I put a lot of thought into this lunch. 2)You don't come to a three-year-old's birthday party and complain about what is being served. Rude.

Rude BIL aside, the party went well! Manuel and I both felt bad that Mateo couldn't have a pinata, but hopefully one day we'll have a garage so he won't miss out. It would also be nice to have a bigger house so we can invite more people. For the sake of space and my own sanity, we had to keep the guest list pretty short. Darn winter birthdays!

It was so fun to watch Mateo's reactions as he opened his presents. Sam was pretty funny too. I've had to remind Sam numerous times that they are Mateo's toys, not his. He has a nice little double standard where he expects Mateo to share everything, but Sam doesn't have to share anything. We're working on that.

Mateo loved all of his presents, and got so many awesome things! He's been a busy boy playing with all of his cool stuff.

The cutest little Thor I have ever seen.

This picture cracked me up when I saw it. I had an awesome photographer and videographer for the birthday party! Good thing too, because I get so wrapped up in everything else I'm never able to take as many pictures as I would like.

Admiring all the presents. :) Little boys are so funny. My kids have never watched a Star Wars movie in their life, but they're obsessed. We'll probably wait a few years before we finally let them watch one.

Grandpa and Ben. :) I love this picture!

Mateo took all of his toys to Manuel after everything was opened. The kids had a huge pile of stuff right in the main walkway. Not the best place for all of the toys to end up, but luckily no one got hurt. :)

I love this picture. 2 boys concentrating.

Even though I BEGGED my brother not to open the dart gun, he did it anyway. No one listens!

Getting the gun ready...

Shooting Uncle Michael! He totally got what he deserved!

Going back to Phineas and Ferb, they're always creating awesome things. I decided a build-your-own sundae would be fitting and EASY. It was a big hit!

Here's a little about 3 year old Mateo:

Favorite color: orange
Favorite foods: anything with rice, grilled cheese sandwiches, cheetos
Favorite drinks: chocolate milk, orange Fanta, any kind of juice
Favorite TV shows: Phineas & Ferb, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
Favorite movie: Chicken Little
Favorite song: Itsy Bitsy Spider (That is the only song he allows me to sing)

Mateo is a crazy little boy. He is stubborn, active, and hilarious. He is loving, but only on his terms. He's definitely a kid that likes his space! He looks to his big brother for cues and mimics Sam all the time. When asked how old he is, he tells people, "I am free yeaws owld." When asked his name he says, "I'm Tato-wishus!" He loves to repeat lines from movies and dance to theme songs. We sure love our Tatolicious!

I had made an appointment for Ben's 4 month well baby visit, and completely forgot about making one for Mateo's 3 year visit! Our awesome pediatrician decided to squeeze him in for me so we didn't have to come back. It's all thanks to his amazing nurse- I'm pretty sure she convinced the doctor to do it. They both rock, and I was so grateful they would do that for me! When I thanked Dr Barrett he told me it was because we're an easy visit. I took that as a compliment. :)

Mateo's 3 year STATS: Height: 38 3/4 inches (75th percentile)
Weight: 35 lbs 4 oz (75th percentile)

Our sweet little Ben! He is such a sweet baby. He is very laid back and only cries when he's overly tired or exceptionally hungry. We all love him to pieces! I hope he keeps his sweet disposition. I'd like to think after the first two I've earned an easy going kid. :)

I am the worst mom in the world because I suck at the Tummy time game. Every mom I know is so awesome at doing it. I have some serious guilt issues when it comes to that. And other things, but we won't get into those. I admitted it to the doctor and he made me feel better when he told Ben, "That's okay. I'm sure your mom doesn't want you mobile any time soon anyway." Very true!

Ben is SO close to rolling over from back to tummy to back. The only thing stopping him is his arm. The doctor gave us the ok to start him on cereal, and as soon as I can figure out sleeping arrangements, Ben will start sleeping in his big boy crib. He hates his bassinet and doesn't sleep for very long at night anymore. Kind of frustrating.

Ben's 4 month STATS: Height: 24 1/2 inches (25th percentile)

Weight 13 lbs 4 oz (25th percentile)

I am so grateful for both of our happy and healthy little boys!

{Grateful}

2011-11-26T22:32:00.000-08:00

For these silly little boys

For their giggles

And trying to "help" mommy

For their sweet spirits

And all of the hugs and kisses I could ever need.

For this sweet little boy

For his smiles

And easing my aching heart

For knowing that he was sent here to be with us always

And being the snuggliest boy around.

For my husband

And all of the sacrifices he makes for us

For my family

And all of the support they give

For my amazing friends

For my freedom

For Temples

And Forever Families

For a warm house

And food to eat

For books

And for my education

For technology

For Cafe Rio

And Target

For scriptures

And dessert

For a healthier me

And for so many, many other things

Boo at the Zoo & Halloween

2011-11-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

Our good friends, Megan & Tim, invited us to Boo at the Zoo. We had never been before, and it was quite the adventure! I expected it to be crowded but I had no idea just how crowded it would actually be. There were SO many people! Most of them were standing in long lines for candy so it wasn't difficult to see the animals. Ben decided that he hated his carseat that day, so I carried him majority of the time, which meant I was only able to take like 3 pictures. Boo!

I love Mateo's and Emerie's faces in this picture. Funny kids. Megan refers to the kiddos as "the three amigos." I agree. :)

It was so cute to watch the kids as they looked at the animals. Sam had quite the tantrum when we stopped to eat lunch. He hasn't freaked out like this in a very.long.time. I was shocked and a little horrified. Once we started looking at animals again he was totally fine. So weird.

My handsome husband! Mateo refused to sit in the stroller, but insisted on being carried. I hate that game! Despite the crazy crowds, the kids had a lot of fun! We were happy that Megan and Tim invited us along!

After the zoo, Manuel decided to get started on the ridiculous amount of leaves in our backyard. The boys thought the giant pile of leaves in the yard was super cool. Mateo loved jumping in it!

Manuel decided that Ben needed to join in on the fun. Just pretend you can't see Manuel in the picture. :)

Halloween! This was my third time doing the ward's Trunk-or-Treat. I thought I was off the hook when the church dissolved the activities committee and placed it on the auxiliaries, but alas, I was wrong. Trunk-or-Treat was given to Primary, so I was able to help again. Since I had already done it 2 years in a row, this year was a piece of cake. We had a record turn out, and ran out of donuts, which made me feel really bad. If I'm still in Primary next year, I'll definitely make sure we have more than enough. Or I'll make sure the other wards know this is OUR ward activity... but then I'd be a brat.

At one point, Mateo got mad at Sam and decided to run away. I had to chase after him and try to convince him to come back with me. I don't know what Sam did to him, but Mateo was NOT happy.

Of course large rocks are essential for any Spiderman pose... Sam made sure he was in "character" for majority of the night!

Mateo had to join in on the posing fun

All three crazies! I was so excited that Ben got to wear the chicken costume. It was Sam's when he was a baby. Ben was the cutest chicken ever! I've always loved Halloween. For some reason, this year didn't turn out the way I had it planned in my head, but hopefully next year will be better! I think the kids had a good time, and that's what matters anyway.

Baby Ben and Grandma. Sam "took" this picture, and I love it! The boys sure love their grandma!

Thoughtful Thursdays

2011-10-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about my crazy kids and all of the hilarious things they say. Mateo has been especially hilarious. I've been trying to write things down as they say them because let's be honest, I can't remember a darn thing. This picture was taken after Mateo had played in the sandbox. He must have tried to bury himself or something because he was completely covered!

Here's a few of the funny things Mateo has said recently:

-While making his Ferb toy "fly": "AHHH! I don't have wings!"
-"Now that's what I call busted!"
-A little dog was running around Ream's parking lot: "Tan I have that doggy, Mommy? Pleeease?! He's my doggy!"
-Picks up his foam sword, looks at his dad, and says: "Let's dance!"

Smarty pants Sam always has something to say. I can't believe some of the things he comes up with. Things like:

-"I love Ben. He reminds me of when I was zero."

- Singing a song about how to write the number "3" he stops and says, "It's like a creepy 'o'!"

- He had been complaining about church. I asked him why he didn't like Primary. His response: "Brother B and Brother P just don't understand me!"

- He recently wrote a letter to Santa Claus. Our house is rather old and Manuel has found some weird stuff, including a leather strap with jingle bells on it. Sam must have assumed it was Santa's because his letter went like this: "Dear Santa Claus, I will give you your belt back and you bring me presents. Sam"

Speaking of Santa Claus, I've been thinking about Christmas a lot. I tend to go overboard and buy more than I should. Not that we go into debt for Christmas, but the boys have SO much stuff! I am trying to clean out our toy room and I can't believe how much crap the boys have. And they're always getting more! I like the things that can fit into categories because then they can go in their own little tote. It's the ginormous things or the random things that don't fit anywhere that drive me nuts! I also hate McDonald's and their crappy toys because my kids get attached and then I can't get rid of them. We don't eat McDonald's very often now and it's helped with my sanity a little.

Anyway, back to Christmas. I really need to exercise some self control. Especially on Black Friday. Since the boys are still young we can still get away with a simple Christmas. I should probably take advantage of that for now because before we know it, Sam's going to be asking us for ridiculously expensive items. Except he did ask for an iPod Touch so it may be starting already! Yikes!

Thoughtful Thursdays

2011-10-20T15:50:00.000-07:00

My thoughts this week have been kind of superficial, so I don't see this post being very deep or insightful. :) The first thing I have been thinking about is sweet, sweet, sugar. My friend helped me get started on a lifestyle change that involved no refined sugar for 3 weeks. I thought I would die. Literally. I'll be completely honest here, I L-O-V-E sugar. Dessert is my favorite thing to eat, and sometimes I would eat dessert after lunch AND dinner. I'd also eat it in between meals as well. I know, so very BAD! Obviously, something needed to change. I am incredibly self-conscious about my weight. I expected to lose a lot after I had Ben because I had only gained 11 pounds. I was devastated to step on the scale at my 6 week postpartum appointment to find that I was only 2 pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight. TWO pounds! ARGH!

So for a week and a half now, I have survived without sugar. And I'm still alive. Weird, right?! I was shocked when I stepped on the scale earlier this week and realized I had lost at least 5 pounds. It was amazing. I really need to step things up and start exercising more as well. Sam is off track now, so I think I can still get up at my regular time and exercise. To me, going without sugar is a huge sacrifice, and I better not have sacrificed in vain! I really want to feel good about myself. I think it will make me a better wife, mother, friend- you name it.

I've been thinking about things that I need versus want. A couple years ago I ordered a set of Pampered Chef dishes I had been admiring for years. Even though I was able to order them at a heavy discount, it was still more than I would usually pay for dinnerware. Not too long after I purchased this set, my first bowl shattered in a tragic accident. I was devastated. I am now down to a few dinner plates, 1 bowl, and 0 salad plates. It's aggravating to think about how much I paid for these, and now I have almost nothing left to show for them. I know that plates break, but I'd like them to last for a little while!

Obviously, we need new plates, but I'm thinking since we need them I should be able to get what I want, right? I have admired Fiesta ware for years. There's something about brightly colored dinnerware that just makes me happy. Not only do they make me happy, they're made in USA. Not lead-ridden China. Since they're sold individually, and one person settings, it's something I can slowly accumulate. Then if something ends up breaking, I can replace that one piece instead of needing a whole new set, which is what would happen because mismatched plates just aren't my thing. I've had that issue for a few years now and I refuse to live that way from now on. It's a new day.

I'm thinking I really WANT some new church shoes. I would really love some black heels, but then I may want some new clothes to go with them. :) Maybe if I keep up with this lifestyle change new clothes will become a need instead of a want!

Have you heard of The Pioneer Woman? I am rather obsessed with her website. She has recently started a show on Food Network and I'm sure I'll be obsessed with that too. I am always going online to get new recipes, but then I also end up checking emails and other things, so I think having her cookbook would help me with a lot of unnecessary internet browsing. Maybe I need to have Manuel check our blog so he can get some good birthday ideas for me. :)

Thoughtful Thursdays

2011-10-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

I've had a lot on my mind since General Conference. Elder Ardern of the Seventy gave an amazing talk entitled, "A Time to Prepare." In it, he talks about how precious our time really is and that we should be using this time to prepare to meet God. He talks about making sure we are making good use of our time, and that being "busy" should also mean "productive." Elder Ardern mentions social media sites and online gaming as things that can quickly steal our time.

It got me thinking about my own habits. I feel crazy busy almost 95% of the time, and I wonder if I'm doing something wrong. I feel like the list of things I need to do is longer than I have time in the day to complete. I thought about some of the things I do on a daily basis that suck time away from my day. I try to limit my internet usage, but sometimes I find myself online longer than I should be. I check updates, browse craft websites, try to find things to pin to my boards... there's many things that keep me online. They aren't bad things, and I think we should always take some time for leisure activities, but I realized I probably do it more than I should. There are other things that need to be priority, and I feel guilty.

Elder Ardern says:

I know our greatest happiness comes as we tune in to the Lord (see Alma 37:37) and to those things which bring a lasting reward, rather than mindlessly tuning in to countless hours of status updates, Internet farming, and catapulting angry birds at concrete walls. I urge each of us to take those things which rob us of precious time and determine to be their master, rather than allowing them through their addictive nature to be the master of us.

To have the peace the Savior speaks of (see John 14:27), we must devote our time to the things that matter most, and the things of God matter most. As we engage with God in sincere prayer, read and study each day from the scriptures, ponder on what we have read and felt, and then apply and live the lessons learned, we draw nearer to Him. God’s promise is that as we seek diligently from the best books, “[He] shall give unto [us] knowledge by his Holy Spirit” (D&C 121:26; see also D&C 109:14–15).

Satan will tempt us to misuse our time through disguised distractions. Although temptations will come, Elder Quentin L. Cook taught that “Saints who respond to the Savior’s message will not be led astray by distracting and destructive pursuits” (“Are You a Saint?” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2003, 96). Hiram Page, one of the Eight Witnesses of the Book of Mormon, taught us a valuable lesson about distractions. He had a certain stone and through it recorded what he thought were revelations for the Church (see D&C 28). On Hiram’s being corrected, an account says the stone was taken and ground into powder so it would never again be a distraction.¹ I invite us to identify the time-wasting distractions in our lives that may need to be figuratively ground into dust. We will need to be wise in our judgment to ensure that the scales of time are correctly balanced to include the Lord, family, work, and wholesome recreational activities. As many have already discovered, there is an increase of happiness in life as we use our time to seek after those things which are “virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy” (Articles of Faith 1:13).

I know that I need to find a balance to keep me from getting away from the things that matter most. I haven't been on Facebook as much as I used to, and I have been trying to limit my internet usage. I am sure some people would say that Blogger is also a waste of time, but I am horrible at writing in my journal, and our blog is the best documentation for our family right now. I actually hope to start printing our blog as books so we can always have them.

I am grateful for Elder Ardern's talk. It helped put a lot of my own frustrations in perspective, and I know I have a lot to work on.

This kind of goes with my first thought, but I've been thinking about my family recently. Actually, I'm always thinking about my family. I've been thinking about all of the things we aren't doing that we should. I feel like sometimes I get so caught up in laundry, dishes, bills, menus and so many other things that I don't take time to just play with my kids. They grow up so fast, and I don't even take time to be with them. I feel like a horrible mother!

Lately, Mateo has decided that he needs to sit right next to me whenever I'm on the computer or just sitting on the couch for a second. Not only is he sitting right next to me, he is constantly flipping my hair or combing his fingers through it. It drives me INSANE. I love my kids, but sometimes I just need a moment where I don't have a child touching me. I've talked to plenty of women that I would consider amazing mothers, and they have those moments too so I don't feel so bad. :) One day as he was driving me crazy with the hair flipping, I realized he's just wants to be close to me. And then I felt like a horrible mother again.

We had a Relief Society activity last night on Family Home Evening. I adore the sister that spoke to us about the importance of FHE. She talked about how fast kids grow and told us to enjoy the stages our kids are in now. I almost cried. Little kids are so sweet, innocent, and hilarious. I have a friend that is not used to being around little kids. She serves in the Primary and told me that she has a hard time with how brutally honest little kids are. It makes me laugh because of how true that is. I've been trying to write down all of the funny things my kids say because I never want to forget.

I feel a little overwhelmed because I have SO much to work on, but I have to start somewhere! I really want to be the kind of mom my kids deserve. I'm so blessed to have these incredibly smart, cute, crazy little boys. They really do deserve more.

The Big Question...

2011-10-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

WHO does Ben look like?

I've had a lot of people ask me this question.

To me, it's rather obvious who Ben looks like,

but I have seen all of my kids as newborns.

Plus, they're my kids.

Need I say more?!

Unfortunately, Blogger was being especially ridiculous tonight.

So all of the pictures are messed up.

(As in, NOT in the order I uploaded them)

Stupid Blogger.

So here you go...

I was going to just post the pictures and not say who they are,

but then blogger had to ruin that for me.

So this, my friends, is a chunky baby Mateo.

Smiley baby Ben

Mateo

(at TWO months!)

I forget how ginormous he was!

P.S. The outfit he's wearing is 3-6 mos!

Baby Mateo

Baby Sam

Hairy Baby Sam
My mom is always doing weird things to my kids...

Baby Sam

Baby Ben

So what do you think?

I know my answer!

Two Months!

2011-10-05T12:31:00.000-07:00

I really don't like how quickly time passes now that I have 3 kids. I just want them to stay little for awhile! Our little peanut is already 2 months old! He is still such a good baby, and I really hope he stays that way. Mateo was pretty melllow, but now he's insane! Let's hope Ben just stays laid back and mellow. I don't want another crazy one! I still can't get over how adorable he is!

Ben does very well in a rather insane house. I want to cry sometimes from all the noise, so the fact that Ben can handle most of it amazes me.

It's Ben to the rescue!

(This one's for you, Megan!)

Ben was blessed on Sept 25th. Since things have been crazy, and we blessed him on Manuel's birthday, we tried to keep things simple with a smaller guest list (mainly immediate family) and easy food (baked potato bar). I had a 3 day boutique the same weekend, and if it weren't for my mom, there's no way I would have survived! She basically did everything for me and I can't thank her enough!

I've had a couple people tell me that Benicio is a weird name. Manuel overheard a lady in our ward say, "they gave this one a weird name too!" First of all, Samuel is not a weird name. Second of all, if you ever watched All My Children in the 90s you would be familiar with the name, Mateo. My mom used to (emphasis on USED to) watch that soap opera, and I've had a crush on Mark Consuelos ever since he played Mateo on All My Children. Why wouldn't I name my cute son after a rather dishy television character? (Just don't tell Manuel!)

Third and last of all, I love the name Ben. I've never met a Ben that I didn't like. Actually, when I was younger I had an enormous crush on a boy named Ben. Don't worry, you probably don't know him, unless you happen to be his sister and also happen to be reading my blog right now. :) That's not why I love the name Ben though. I just do. :) Right around when we lost our little baby, and found out the surviving twin was a boy, I had been reading about King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon. He was an amazing leader, and I asked Manuel what he thought about naming the baby Benjamin, but with Spanish pronunciation instead of English. Manuel agreed, but then decided that he wasn't crazy about Benjamin, especially since no one would say it with the Spanish pronunciation. I was already attached to the name Ben, and I just felt like that was what the baby's name was supposed to be. Manuel is very proud of his heritage, and likes our kids to have Hispanic names. I don't really care for a lot of the more popular and widely used Spanish names, so I made Manuel find a Spanish name that we could shorten to Ben. It was down to Benito or Benicio, and I think he and Sam made the right choice. :)

So there you have it. All of the reasons why my kids DO NOT have weird names. And if after reading this, you still think they're weird, just keep it to yourself. Because I don't really care, and it's kind of mean. Plus, since I have super cute kids they can pretty much get away with any name we give them. Maybe. :)

Ben at two months. We love our cuddly little guy! He's such a sweet baby. He loves to be swaddled (neither one of my other kids did) and is very enthusiastic when he eats. :) It's actually kind of embarrassing, but he loves his food! He is an AWESOME sleeper! Mateo woke up every 1 1/2 hours and it was HARD. Ben only wakes up twice a night and I can totally handle that. He had his 2 month well baby appointment yesterday. He was not happy about the shots, and was miserable last night. It broke my heart! All he wanted was to be held, but the slightest movement would make him cry because his little legs hurt so much. I hate shots, but they are necessary.

Ben's 2 month STATS

Height: 21.9 inches (20th percentile)

Weight: 10 lbs 3 oz (10-20th percentile)

He's a little guy, and I hope he stays that way for awhile!

Thoughtful Thursdays

2011-09-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking that my little sister has been married for a month now and I haven't blogged about it! Part of the reason is because I totally forgot to bring my camera, so I had to wait until she got her pics back from the photographer so I could steal them and post them on my blog. Hope that's ok, Sister! :) Her wedding was beautiful, and I am glad Todd decided to become a member of our family! Even if we are all crazy. :) I adore this picture of Allison and the boys. I can't get over Sam's face!

Sam had been talking about Todd and Allison getting married for awhile now. He was SO excited when the day was finally here! The boys love their Uncle Todd and Aunt Allison (I mean Booja...)

I've also been thinking that Allison and Laura are super photogenic, and I kind of hate them both for it. Just kidding, I can't hate them because I love them, but seriously?! I'm pretty sure I should have been left out of the pictures. I was 2 weeks postpartum, wearing a girdle, and it still didn't hide as much as I would have liked it to. I guess it can't work miracles. :) I'm really trying to work through these body image issues I have, but I think I need to lose 30 pounds before I can actually allow anyone to take pictures of me again. *sigh*

I'm so excited for Allison and Todd! Todd will be graduating from the Police Academy soon, and Allison will start her student teaching. It will be fun to see where life takes them! I just hope it doesn't take them too far from Utah. :)

Clutter has been on my mind a lot lately. I HATE clutter. When I was still working at the credit union, my station was always immaculate. It would drive me NUTS when someone would sit at my station and leave a mess. I remember hearing people say things like, "Oh, Holli's going to be mad at you!" I actually had a sense of pride thinking that cleanliness and order were something I was known for.

Now I'm home all of the time, and I still want to be known for those things. Nearly everything has it's proper place, but I'm running out of room. The clutter is building up and it's driving me NUTS! I want more space. I need more closets. I need more than 4 drawers in my kitchen. I feel like my house is a mess all of the time because of the random piles that I don't have a place for. I'm a huge Friends fan. I loved that show! I still watch it as often as I can. Monica is a neat freak and in one episode, Chandler and Joey break into a closet and find a huge mess. Monica's excuse for the closet is that everything in there wouldn't fit into a category already in her home. That's me! I have a lot of things that just don't have a place. Random things like school papers, grocery ads, coupons, the kids' toys that don't fit into a specific category... I hate all of it.

Right now the thing I hate the most is my pantry. We have a weird little nook off our kitchen that was completely empty when we moved in. Manuel made some shelves for me, so now that is where we store our food, but it is an embarrassing mess. I need a solution, and fast! We had a Relief Society activity on organization awhile ago, and my friend, Lisel, had shown us pictures of the beautiful pantry you see above from the The House of Smith's. I want a pantry like this! I decided I need to go treasure hunting at the DI so I can find random baskets and such that can store/hide things in my mess of pantry. I need cleanliness! I NEED order! I don't want CLUTTER! My new goal is to get back to the organized freak I once was... just not as crazy. :)

I CAN can!

2011-09-21T18:14:00.000-07:00

My friend (and neighbor) Sara and I canned peaches today! It was our first canning attempt ever, and we did it! I am very proud of us, and I realized that canning isn't as scary as I thought it would be. Well, at least a water-bath isn't! I'll have to work up to the pressure cooker, but I have SO many things I want to can now! Bring it on, baby!

Thoughtful Thursdays

2011-09-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

I've noticed a lot of weekly themed blog posts and I really like them. I have a darling friend that is doing 52 weeks in pictures- every week she posts a picture with a theme and talks about it. I love it! Then my super cute s-i-l, Laura, has a weekly post called, "I smile Wednesdays." She posts about all of the things that have made her smile that week. Okay, not everything, because Laura smiles a lot, but you get the jist. :) I decided that I really need an outlet for my own reflection. I need something that will MAKE me think about things on a weekly basis. So I decided to start my own weekly post- Thoughtful Thursdays. So here is the first one. Let's hope it's good!

I've been thinking about my little brother a lot. He turns 19 today, which means that soon he will be leaving us to serve the Lord. He received his mission call last week. He has been called to serve in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin mission and will enter into the MTC December 14th. I have mixed feelings about this. First, I have to say that my little brother is such an amazing guy. He has always been a silly kid, and I hope he never loses that. When he was younger, he always had a Hot Wheels or Matchbox car in his pocket. Then he added Lego guys and other random things. TO THIS DAY he will still whip out some crazy thing from his pocket. I'm pretty sure all of the little kids in Wisconsin will think to themselves, "I wonder what Elder B has in his pocket today?!" I can't even begin to express how proud I am that my little brother made this decision. He will have an amazing experience and will be blessed for his service.

Now I have to express my selfish thoughts. I makes my heart hurt to think about not having my little brother around for two whole years! Sam and Mateo adore him, and will be lost without him. He told my sister the other day that Ben won't even know him when he gets back and it made me want to cry. I see Jesse a lot, and I don't know what we'll do without him! HOWEVER, I know that he made the right decision. I also know that I need to stop being selfish because there are people in Wisconsin that are waiting for him to share the Gospel and bring an amazing blessing to their families.

I've also been thinking about parenting. Being a parent is the hardest role I have ever had. I love it. All I've ever wanted is to be a mother, but it can be incredibly trying at times. And frustrating. And heart-breaking. And a lot of other things that end in "ing." My kids have been driving me nuts lately. They've been extra naughty and have spent loads of time in time out. Sam has been getting into trouble at school for blatant disobedience. I started to wonder if putting him in Kindergarten was the right decision. I wanted to talk to his teacher, but there was always a group of moms that gather around her and I just didn't want to talk about it in front of them. I sent her an email expressing my concerns. I also shared a story with her about Sam waking up one morning telling me that he had a dream about Boo and Sully. In his dream we brought both babies home from the hospital. It made me realize that Sam was more affected by what happened than I originally thought. We thought that since he had stopped talking about "Boo" it meant that he was okay. It also made me wonder if part of his misbehavior had something to do with it. I'm not saying all, but some.

His teacher and I are working together to find the right solution for Sam, but we still have some serious problems to take care of. The boys are fighting constantly, and don't listen when they are asked to do something. It just feels like everything is out of control and has pushed me to a point where I am not reacting in a nice way. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be the mom that has to yell all of the time. I want my kids to LISTEN! Why don't they listen? What have I done to fail them as a mom? IT'S ALL MY FAULT. Last night, I rummaged through some boxes to find some books I had on parenting and discipline. I poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father. I needed fast answers because at that moment I felt like giving up. I felt as though my kids were past the point where they would ever be good again.

I picked up my books and started to read. I didn't get very far before I was in tears. My kids aren't just my kids. They're on loan to me from my Heavenly Father. While I love them unconditionally, it cannot compare to the love He has for them. I don't like it when other people yell at my kids, so how does Heavenly Father feel when I yell at His kids? One book, The LDS Mother's Almanac said many things that made me reflect on myself.
Here's just a few:
-Tell your child what you love about them everyday.
-Give children your attention before they resort to misbehaving.
- Say yes as often as you can

The last thing I read last night hit me the most: "At the core of all effective discipline is a loving mother's desire to purify herself before she seeks to influence her child." For the past few weeks, I've been focused on everything my kids are doing wrong. I've been angry and frustrated with them thinking that we aren't strict enough. While I would wonder where I've gone wrong, I never stopped to think that I am part of the problem. I'm not working to change myself, just my kids. There's a lot of work to be done, and it all starts with me.

5 1/2 Weeks

2011-09-10T11:39:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, I wanted to post about Ben being one month old. Obviously, it didn't happen. Then this past Wednesday I wanted to post about him being 5 weeks old. That didn't happen either. With Kindergarten and trying to keep the house in order, I feel like I barely have time for anything else! Better late than never though, so here is a post about Ben at 5 1/2 weeks.

He is SUCH a good baby! I need to stop saying that because I will probably jinx myself, but he really is. He rarely cries. Most of the time he just makes noises until someone gets him what he needs- it's adorable. He only wakes up twice a night- once around 2 and then again around 5. He wakes up to eat and then goes right back to sleep. It really makes a huge difference in my sanity to actually sleep at night! We are so lucky to have such a sweet little baby. We love him so much! He has already acquired some nicknames: Little Peanut, Sully, Mr Prickle Pants, Little Mister, and Benny. However, I have made it VERY clear that I do not want him to be called Benny. Apparently his dad is the only one that can, because he does anyway.

About a month before Ben was born I asked Laura's sister, Kathrin, if she would take Ben's newborn pics. She owns her own photography business and took our wedding pics so I thought it would be cute to have her take Ben's pictures. She's awesome! She specializes in families and weddings. If you're in need of a photographer, you can check out her website HERE.

She took so many adorable pictures! It took me awhile to decide which ones to post! I love them all, so I had to share as many as I could. Enjoy :)

Love this sweet little face

Here is a picture of Ben today.
5 1/2 weeks.

First Day of Kindergarten!

2011-08-31T09:26:00.000-07:00

Monday was Sam's FIRST day of Kindergarten! I still can't believe he's starting school. I was still hesitant about sending him until we met with his teacher. She went through a few different things with him, like counting and letter & sound recognition. He even got a high five for getting 100% on one sheet. :) I explained to his teacher my concerns about Sam being so young and she told me that he's totally ready for Kindergarten. A lot of people have told me that, but hearing it from his teacher finally put my mind at ease. Smarty Pants Sam.

He played on the playground before school. He was SO excited to start! I was worried that he would be a little emotional, but he didn't even seem nervous. I think I was more nervous than he was! The night before, we started a new bedtime routine since summer kind of messes everything up. Manuel gave Sam a father's blessing, and I think it helped Sam a lot. It's something Manuel will do every school year, and I think it will be something our kids will always remember.

Sam and his best bud, Emily! I think they were excited to be in the same class. On Tuesday, Sam ended up with a bloody nose and Emi made sure to come over and make sure he was going to be okay. It was sweet. Sam actually has 4 friends from preschool in his class as well, so the transition has been easy for him. He just needs to work on his talking. I warned his teacher that he's rather chatty. :)

Saying "Good morning" to Mrs R! At this point, I snapped a picture then turned away so Sam couldn't see me crying. Luckily Sara was doing the same thing so I didn't feel so ridiculous. I just can't believe he's already in school. They grow up way too fast.

STATS

2011-08-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

Sam and Ben had an appointment with the pediatrician last week.

Sam for his 5 year well-child check up

Ben for his" 2 week" check up,

but it was actually a day before he was 3 weeks.

So we'll call it his 3 week check up.

As you can see from the picture, Sam is super strong.

His STATS:

Height: 40 inches {10th percentile}

Weight: 32 lbs {< 5th percentile}

I think his doctor feels bad for all of the tests he put Sam through

when he was younger, because he brings it up every time Sam gets weighed.

Sam IS growing, just on his own curve.

He doesn't like it when people tell him how to be. :)

Take that growth curve!

Ben started out at 6 lbs 10 oz and 20 in long.

His STATS at 3 weeks:

Height: 20 1/2 inches

Weight: 7 lbs 7 oz

2 things that are kind of funny about his weight.

1. I was afraid he wasn't getting a lot of milk because I didn't feel "full" and

he acts like I starve him come 5 pm. He obviously isn't starving!

2. Upon seeing his weight, the doctor said, "Well, we normally expect them to be

back to their birth weight by 2 weeks, so I guess we don't need to worry about him!"

I love my little Mr PricklePants.

And just because they're so sweet...

A picture celebrating brotherly love. :)

5 UP!!!

2011-08-22T14:47:00.000-07:00

I can't believe Sam turns 5 today. He's getting way too big way too fast for me. He is starting Kindergarten NEXT week! It seriously makes me want to cry. We had a small family party for him yesterday. I felt bad because he really wanted to have a party with his friends, including some from preschool. Although it isn't going to work out that way this year, I think he was okay with the party he had. He chose to have a Mario party (what else?!) and we were lucky to find Mario plates and napkins at Zurchers.

Sadly, I didn't make his cake this year. I wanted to make one. I had even sketched out the cake and super cute cake pops in the shape of Mario creatures, but then I had to remind myself that I am only 2.5 weeks postpartum, and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't make Sam's cake. I opted for Roger's Bakery (I LOVE their whipped frosting and raspberry filling) and bought little Mario figures to put on top. Since Mario and Luigi are Italian, and if you are ever punished and have to sit through one of their awful cartoons, they say cheesy lines like, "Holy ravioli!" so I thought spaghetti would be an appropriate dinner for a Mario party. Plus it was super fast and easy, and that is always a plus.

I am kicking myself for not recording Sam as he opened his presents. He was HILARIOUS. Every present was a huge surprise to him and it was SO cute. You can kind of get the idea by looking at his facial expressions in the next few pictures.

He received some awesome presents, and he was so grateful for them! He got a lot of Mario toys, some Sonic the Hedgehog figurines, some sticker books, clothes, Legos, Lincoln Logs, Bendaroos, and his "big" present from us- Super Mario Galaxy 2. I explained to him that games are very expensive so he wouldn't get a lot of toys from us if he wanted the game. He still wanted it, and was SO excited when he opened it. I thought I had uploaded that picture, but I guess I missed it. :(

Then it was pinata time!

And since we didn't get a lot of people at the party, it was too hard for the little kids to bust it open

So Uncle Jesse finished it off. :)

Sam is such a good kid. While he can be a bit whiny if he's tired or hungry, he's normally well-behaved, although every kid has their moments. He loves helping with the dishes, and helping with baby Ben. He loves to color, and has a very active imagination. He's always making up his own Mario games in his head and then tries to explain them to me, and most of the time I can't follow. He is really into Legos now, and he and Mateo are always building new houses, or airplanes, or airplane cars... there's always something new!

One thing about Sam is that he is very sensitive. Unfortunately, he comes from a very long line of sensitive people, and he definitely inherited the sensitivity gene. Because of that, his feelings get hurt easily, or he worries about things a lot. He was watching a Phineas and Ferb movie the other day. Phineas and Ferb find out that their pet platypus is actually a secret agent and Phineas tells him to leave. As Perry the Platypus walked away, tears streamed down Sam's face. He felt so bad that Perry was leaving Phineas and Ferb. It was a very sweet reminder of how sensitive the little guy really is.

I've wanted to start doing birthday interviews for awhile now. I should have started last year, but I wasn't sure if I would get any responses from Sam. So here is the first official birthday interview.

What is your favorite color? Green and red

What is your favorite food? Broccoli soup

Who is your best friend? My best friend is Mateo

What do you like to do at home? I like to play with Legos and toys

Who is your favorite super hero? Um... Superman and Batman

What is your favorite movie? Um... Rio

What is your favorite book? My missing Spongebob book

Where is your favorite place to go? To eat

What do you like to wear? Um... my favorite yellow backhoe shirt (the shirt he is wearing right now...)

What things make you happy? When Mommy and Daddy be's nice to me.

What things make you sad? When Mommy and Daddy be's mean to me.

What do you do when you're mad? Nothing

What is your favorite TV show? Spongebob

What is your favorite restaurant? Cafe Rio

Who is your favorite person from the scriptures? Angel Moroni

What is your favorite Primary song? I Love to See the Temple

Sweet Little Peanut

2011-08-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

It doesn't feel like we've had Ben for almost two weeks already! These pictures were taken in the hospital, and I HAD to have ALL of them! After I looked and tried to decide which one to have printed off, I told Manuel that I just couldn't live without them and I would just have to buy the disk. So I did. :) The photographer couldn't get over how cute he was and told us he was officially her favorite for the day. It didn't surprise me one bit. ;) I was always prepared for not-so-attractive newborns, but that just hasn't happened yet. Maybe it's impossible, who knows. :)

Chicken(s) Run

2011-08-14T10:58:00.000-07:00

A story in pictures

Featuring: Sam, Mateo, Odie, Henny Penny & Chicken Little

Sam runs after chickens

Chickens run behind coop

Sam can't catch them

Chickens come out the other side

Sam and Odie chase chickens

Sam gets the chickens!

(Lucky for chickens, Odie did not)

Mateo climbed in chicken coop

his pants were covered in chicken poop

Daddy comes to the rescue!

The One With All the Details...

2011-08-08T13:15:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe our little peanut is already 5 days old! The funny thing is that I was actually scheduled to be induced today. My doctor was out of town so I was hoping to make it to the 8th. Ben had other plans though. :)

I started having contractions Tuesday night. At one point they were coming just about every 5 minutes. Manuel was a little worried because I kept telling him it was nothing, and not to worry. Well, he did worry and kept insisting we went to the hospital. I knew I would be sent home because nothing was super consistent so I went home and laid down. The contractions were still coming, but they were getting farther apart. I went to bed with Manuel telling me he would see me at 2 in the morning when it was time to go to the hospital, which didn't happen.

Wednesday morning I got up and wasn't really feeling any contractions. I got the boys ready and headed off to a friend's house for a morning get together. As I was chatting with my friends, I noticed the contractions start again. I was positive I was not in labor, but Manuel called me twice that morning. He was working up a canyon and didn't always have cell phone service. I told him I was fine and he didn't need to worry. I took the boys home and decided to lay down and see how close the contractions were. They were about 10 minutes apart, but I knew that I needed to call Manuel to head home because he was about 2 hours away from home. He called right before I was about to call him. I told him I would feel really bad making him leave work if I'm not in labor, but I was pretty sure this was it.

We waited until they were coming every five minutes and decided to grab my hospital bag. My mom came over and grabbed the boys from us. Poor Mateo didn't want to let me go. He probably knew something big was about to happen. We got to the hospital about 3:00, but wasn't officially admitted until after 5:30. I was GBS positive (which I was totally unaware of) so I had to be on penicillin for 4 hours before the baby could be delivered. I waited a little while and decided it was time for an epidural. After the epidural was in place, I realized that the pain wasn't fully gone. The doctor came in and broke my water a little after 8:00. The contractions started coming more frequently and I realized I was feeling a lot more than I should. They called the anesthesiologist to give me an emergency dose that never kicked in.

I was feeling a lot more pressure and intense contractions. Poor Manuel had to keep pushing the nurses button for me because I knew the baby was coming soon and I was afraid he would come without proper medical assistance. Within minutes I had gone from a 7 to a 9 and while the nurse was gone for just a minute I could tell the baby was coming. Luckily I didn't have to push for very long before Ben made his way into the world. He was born at 9:32 pm on Wednesday, August 3rd.

Sam and Mateo had to wait until the next day to come meet the new little guy. I was worried about how Mateo would react, but he asked to hold the baby a couple times while he was there visiting. Luckily I only had to spend one full day at the hospital. They let us go home Friday morning around 11:00. I was so happy. I HATE staying in the hospital. It's boring and I can never sleep. :) Mateo has adjusted well to having a little brother. The other day I was changing Ben's diaper and Mateo walked in. He looked at Ben's umbilical cord and told me I needed to "take the wrapper off his belly." The first day home was a nightmare, but we were all exhausted. I'm just glad Manuel has been able to take time off work. I don't think I'd be able to survive this first week without him!

Sam is a very proud big brother. He is very helpful and always wants to help take care of Baby Ben, aka Sully. He still insists on calling him Sully on occasion, but he also calls him Ben, which is good because I was afraid we'd never get away from "Sully."

Ben is a calm little guy. He rarely cries and sleeps all of the time, except between the hours of 12-3 am. During that time he demands to be entertained and fed until he is ready to sleep again. It's hard to say no to those little brown eyes. He does have a little jaundice, but after three visits to the doctor's office, his count is finally starting to go down.

I know there have been questions about how we're doing. After the placenta had been delivered, the doctor asked me if I would like to see it. I knew exactly what he meant. Since March, I was back and forth on whether I wanted to see anything that may have been a trace of the baby we had lost. In that moment, as I was looking at Ben, I told the doctor that I would rather not. I knew our baby wasn't there anyway. I really expected myself to be a complete wreck when delivery time came, but I was able to handle it. I am still sad to know that there is a little baby that we will not meet here, but because of our choice to be married in the temple, Manuel and I will be able to see that baby again. I was dreading delivery, and instead of feeling the pain I expected, I felt peace. I felt Heavenly Father's love for us, and I knew that everything is the way He has planned it to be. Most of all, I felt overwhelming gratitude for the precious little boy that we get to have now.

The Little Peanut is Here!

2011-08-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

Benicio Manuel

Born August 3, 2011

9:32 pm

Weighing in at 6 lbs 10 oz

and 20 in long

We just got home about 2 hours ago,

so a longer post with all the gory details

will come at a later time.

Build-A-Bear

2011-07-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

Before Mateo was born, we took Sam to Build-A-Bear. I had read in parenting books that having something for your child to take care of while you were taking care of baby would help in the transition. I thought I had blogged about it, but it looks like I didn't. Lame. I decided to just make it tradition because we never take the kids to Build-A-Bear, and I thought it would be fun. So Manuel and I decided to take the boys for Family Home Evening and let them build a stuffed animal before the little guy comes. Unfortunately, Sam went straight for the Smurfs. We watched the cartoon on Boomerang the other day and now he wants to see the movie, which I have no desire to see. Mateo decided on a dachshund. Of course I remembered my camera but forgot that both of my SD cards were on the counter at home. I had to take some pictures with my phone, so they aren't the best quality.

Mateo didn't quite get the concept when we handed him a limp stuffed animal. He held it away from his body with a "what the heck?!" look on his face. It was cute. He also refused to step on the pedal to help stuff the dog. He liked it once his dog was nice and soft though. Funny kid.

Sam was all about stuffing his Smurf. The girl made him do all sorts of funny things with his "heart" before he placed it in his Smurf. The worker explained it helped bring his Smurf to life and all I could think was, "We are in huge trouble when he realizes his Smurf really won't come to life." Luckily we haven't had any problems. :)

After the dog and the Smurf had a bath, I made the boys pose for me. I'm not sure what is going on with Mateo's cheesy smile. Sam named his Smurf, "Ticklish" (I really don't know why...) and Mateo named his dog "Ruff Ruff." Now they want to take their creatures/animals everywhere they go. Maybe having something to "take care" of doesn't really work, but I think it's fun to have something special to do with the boys before the baby comes.

3 Failures and a Partial Success

2011-07-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

I really don't know where I ever got the idea that I could sew. Seriously. It seems like disaster strikes nearly every time I purchase a piece of fabric with the intent of turning it into something. The only thing I have made and been completely satisfied with it, is an apron which was sewn under the supervision of one of my friends. So if you have ever received a sewn item from me, I really apologize. I think it's time I throw in the towel on this whole sewing business. Let me explain.

My first failure of the weekend, was a nursing cover. My sister-in-law had asked me to make one for her a few months ago. It took her awhile to get the fabric to me, and by that time, I wasn't feeling up to sewing anything. Then she had her baby and I realized I really needed to get on the ball and make the dang cover. So I sat down one night, cut everything out and started ironing. It was then that I realized that the nursing cover was freakishly small. I don't know about you, but I like to be covered up when I'm nursing. I don't even know HOW I did it, but the main fabric for the cover was off by a matter of inches which makes a big difference. I was so mad at myself. So while I was trying to figure out how I messed up, Mateo decided it would be great fun to dump out all of my straight pins, and run around with my rotary cutter.

Then the tantrum started. Mine, not Mateo's. Let's blame it on the fact that I'm nine months pregnant because can only use that excuse for a couple more weeks. I was emotional and my children had pushed me past my limit. I had yelled at them numerous times to stay away from my sewing machine, to stop messing with my pins, to leave my fabric scissors alone- you get my drift. I was DONE. I started sobbing and realized that I needed to get away. I picked up the phone and called Manuel and asked him if we could go out if I found a babysitter. You see, since June he has been working 6 days a week, 12 hour shifts. I'm not sharing this for pity, I am sharing because I feel like it explains the tantrum. As much as I love my children, I just needed to be somewhere for an hour or two where I didn't have to say, "Stop touching your brother." "Don't touch that." "Eat your food because there are starving children that would love to eat it." So with a strange "of course we can" sort of tone Manuel said yes and I called my mom to see if she would watch the crazies for a few hours. I felt bad because they had just come home from youth conference, but I'm pretty sure she felt like she couldn't tell me no, mainly because I was still sobbing hysterically. I owe her big time!

So we went to dinner and then ran to Jo-Ann's so I could buy more fabric. Luckily they had some so after we picked up the kids I went home and started again. This time I made it bigger and it seemed to work out okay. I still haven't heard from my sister-in-law, so maybe she wasn't happy with it, but I hope she is.

The second failure is my carseat canopy. We had to buy a new carseat this time because our old one had expired. It's green and brown and I have this weird need for things to match. I found some fabric months ago that would go well with the carseat. It was an argyle print with a coordinating polka dot for the bottom. (Pictured above). I had cut and pinned everything, then as I was sewing it together I realized my mistake. I hadn't paid attention to the direction of the argyle when I purchased it at the fabric store. I should have bought more than I did because I needed the argyle print to be vertical on the canopy, and now it is horizontal. Such a lame mistake. I finished it anyway and now I don't even want to use it. All of that effort for nothing. Manuel thinks I'm crazy. I probably am.

I accidentally mixed up the pictures, so the "partial success" will come before the third failure. This blanket is for our baby, and the zig zag stitch actually worked, so aside from it not always being a perfect stitch, it turned out better than anything else I made this weekend. The reason this is only a partial success is because I like my receiving blankets to be 1 1/4 yards. Receiving blankets from the store are a joke. There's never enough fabric to successfully swaddle a baby. Plus, the homemade 1 1/4 yard blankets make excellent toddler blankets when they're older. When I had found this fabric, there wasn't much left on the bolt. It was only a little over a yard and they didn't have anymore. I remember the girl at the cutting table thinking I was ridiculous for needing more than a yard for a receiving blankets because in her wise words, "babies are little." Wow.

The third failure is this monkey blanket. Another receiving blanket for our baby, and I totally messed it up. It's the decorative zig zag stitch. I don't know what was going on, but it looks horrendous. One side was doing some freaky non-zig zag thing, while the other side would be zig zag for a little while, then it would switch. I had already ripped the stitch out once and started over. It was working about half way through the blanket, then messed up again. I was SO frustrated. Now my poor baby has a dumb ugly blanket.

And there you have it. To me, these are all pretty good reasons to never approach a sewing machine again in my life. I'm totally jealous of my friends that can sew, because for some reason I am too dumb to grasp the concept.

To Our Family and Friends:

2011-07-19T14:31:00.000-07:00

Time has finally started to move a little faster for me, and I feel like our little guy will be here before we know it. Knowing that delivery is coming, I've had a lot of feelings come back to the surface. I read a lot of websites on twin loss a while ago, and one thing that was mentioned as part of the grieving process is to write a letter to family and friends. My desk top computer is so slow it makes me want to throw it out the window, so typing a letter and printing it out isn't feasible right now. I figured a letter via blog could work as well. Maybe it's weird, but I feel like it's something I need to do for me.

Manuel and I have grown and learned a lot over the past few months. We've gained a greater understanding of the Atonement, and a deeper appreciation for Eternal families. The pain of the loss we have suffered would be far greater if we didn't know that we would see our baby again. We are grateful to have such a loving Heavenly Father, who has provided a way for us to be with our family forever.

Twin loss is a strange situation. We still have a baby that is alive and we'll be able to see soon, but we also have a baby that we have lost and will not see in this world. To us, they will always be twins, but to everyone else, we just have one baby and that's that. I've had many people tell me, "at least you still have this one" and instead of finding comfort, I felt like people thought I was ungrateful. I am SO grateful that we are lucky enough to have a surviving twin, but it doesn't take away from the fact that we have still lost a baby. It still hurts, and we will always know that a little person is missing from our earthly family.

We are so grateful for the love and support we have received from our family and friends. This is the hardest trial Manuel and I have experienced so far, and having wonderful people around us has helped ease the pain. We are so excited to see our new little man, and hope that you will understand that while this is a joyful time for us, it is also bittersweet. Thanks for all you have done and continue to do for our family.

- Holli

Los Luchadores

2011-06-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

Jesse has a super awesome friend, named Amanda. Her family is from Mexico and just happened to be visiting there recently. Manuel really wanted some Luchador masks for the boys (and himself), so I went through my brother to see if Amanda's parents would mind picking some up. They didn't mind at all- in fact, Amanda said her dad had a lot of fun picking them out. :) Jesse and Amanda dropped them off this evening, and we've been laughing ever since! Amanda rocks!

Los Tres Luchadores

Do you like all of the wrestling moves? I couldn't even think of what to say. I decided to let the pictures speak for themselves. I'm pretty sure they do. :) Now all we need is some stretchy pants and these boys are good to go! So I would like to introduce: Flaco Jimenez & El Papa Grande (The Big Potato). Manuel has yet to choose his wrestling name. I think I'll have to make one up for him. :)

8 Weeks...

2011-06-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

I feel bad that not a lot has been shared about the little guy we're expecting in August. While a part of me feels like this has been the longest pregnancy ever, another part of me feels like he'll be here before we know it. I'm sure I'll be saying something different in a few weeks when it gets super hot, but for now 8 weeks seems semi-manageable.

So far, things have been just fine (physically speaking) and the doctor is confident that everything will go well. I was told at my last appointment that I am awesome because I have been able to keep my weight gain under control. That made me happy. I like being awesome. :) So far, I've gained 9 pounds and hopefully won't gain a lot more. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to lose weight or anything, but when you're considered "obese" you're not supposed to gain much weight anyway. I've been careful about my portions and I've been walking. I am glad that both seem to be helping out. Plus, my little sister is getting married like 2 weeks after my due date, so the less weight I have to lose the better.

Sam is SO cute when he talks about his new brother. He always asks me if the baby is awake or asleep. I've tried to get him to feel the kicks but he doesn't have enough patience. Sam thought it was really cool when I told him that the baby would be able to see light if we put a flashlight up to my stomach. He insisted I kept my shirt down though because for some reason my round stomach freaks him out. He even said, "It freaks me out a little bit." Silly boy. I'm trying not to get a complex. :)

Manuel and I are really excited to see this new little guy. We wonder who he will look like, and hope that he'll be our laid-back, easy going kid. After Mateo, I think we've earned an easy one. :) He even has a name! I don't think Mateo had a name until about 2 weeks before he was born. Don't ask what it is though, because I won't share. I've shared with a few family members and they made me feel bad, so I decided not to tell until he's already born and it's too late. I figured that would be easier. At least it will be easier on me!

Aside from still getting sick every morning and some serious swelling, things haven't been too bad. I also don't like to complain anyway, so I try to keep it to a minimum. So far, I know that our little guy is rather active, and is always awake at 5 in the morning, which is kind of funny because that is when Manuel gets up to go to work. It won't be so funny when he's out of my stomach though! I am sure the last 8 weeks will fly by and he'll be here before we know it! (At least I hope so!)

Memorial Day & A Special Angel

2011-06-06T16:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how many people are familiar with the book, The Christmas Box, but I will assume that most people know the jist of it. In the book, there's a woman that visits an angel in the middle of a cemetary, mourning the loss of her daughter. In 1994, Richard Paul Evans had an angel statue, The Christmas Box Angel, placed in the Salt Lake City Cemetary. He welcomes families who have experienced the loss of a child to visit the statue and to leave a white flower.

I had known of its existence, but never felt like I had any reason to visit this angel. Until March. Manuel was still doing pipe line patrol, and part of his route took him right by the cemetary so he drove around until he found it. He told me that he would like to go back and bring a white flower. I agreed, but I just couldn't bring myself to commit to a day. It was too painful.

On Memorial Day, we normally go visit 2 cemetaries to bring flowers to 4 of Manuel's relatives, one being his eldest brother that died when he was only 8 years old. This year was different. I asked Manuel if we could visit the Salt Lake City Cemetary and find The Christmas Box Angel. We stopped at The Flower Patch and bought a white flower to lay at the base of the statue. I fought back tears the entire time. I didn't want to be buying a flower to put at the base of an angel. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to be reminded of the fact that Manuel and I have lost a baby. Our baby. As much as I knew it would hurt, I still felt like I needed to go.

I love Gerber Daisies. They are my most favorite flower. I decided that daisies will forever be for our sweet little baby. It broke my heart to lay that beautiful flower down. Sam was right next to me, trying to figure out what was going on. Especially when he noticed that someone had left a Hot Wheels motorcycle. I had to explain to him that everything near the angel was for a baby or a child that has gone back to Heavenly Father, and that we were leaving a flower there for Boo. (He still refers to them as "Boo and Sully") I knelt next to Sam and cried. I haven't cried for a while, and I thought I was done crying, but the tears came anyway. We're all healing, but there's still a hole in my heart, and there always will be. Any milestone, or just a quiet moment will remind me of the little baby we never got to meet. I've been trying to get myself to where I accept what has happened, but as I stood there in the cemetary, I realized that you never fully accept what has happened. You can know that Heavenly Father has a plan for you, and that He loves you. You can be grateful and have a stronger testimony of Eternal families. You can even know that your baby is somewhere far better than this earth, and will be taken care of until you are reunited, but I think it's impossible to accept that your baby is not with you. And that's okay. Maybe that's where the acceptance is supposed to come from.

One day not too long ago, I was hit with sorrow all over again. I was sobbing in my bedroom as I picked up a book on mourning that I didn't finish. As I read, I found a beautiful quote from Joseph Smith that has brought me so much comfort.

This is what he said: "The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. " (History of the Church 4:553)

Pre-School Un-Graduation

2011-06-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

I seriously cannot believe how fast the school year went. It felt like Sam had just started school and before I knew it, the end of the year was here. The teachers put together a really cute program for the parents. The kids sang songs, there was a cute picture slide show, and then the kids were presented with a folder filled with stuff done throughout the year. They also got a pencil box and a book. It was NOT a graduation though. The teacher had to specify that the only graduation in the school district is for high school seniors so the kids would be getting a certificate of "completion."

Anyway, at first, Sam was not happy to be there. I'm not sure if he was nervous, or upset because he couldn't see me. I moved to the middle so that I could make eye contact with him and have a clear shot for pictures. They were singing a song to show off their alphabet skills. The kids would sing the letter, then the sound it makes, while giving the ASL sign for the appropriate letter. For most of the song, Sam would just give the sign and not sing at all. Once they got to the letter "S" he finally decided to start singing and enjoying himself. Such a silly boy.

Oh look! It's Happy Sam! Where was he at the beginning of the program? :) He was happy and smiling through the rest of the songs. It was SO adorable. I was fighting back tears through majority of the program. I just can't believe how big he is getting. I can't believe he will be starting Kindergarten. Especially since he's the shortest in his class! It is really hard to let go. I've been struggling with that.

Look at that cute little face! They put on the lei's and played their "guitars" while singing, "Down By the Bay." We sing that song a lot at our house. Mateo now knows it as well and will join in when he feels like it. I have to point out that I did NOT tuck his shirt in the front. He insisted on wearing his "electricity" belt (we've been Batman a lot lately, and Robin has a UTILITY belt, but Batman has an ELECTRICITY belt... I promise I tried to clear that up) and also insisted on tucking only the front of his shirt into his pants so everyone could see the utility belt. I mean, electricity belt.

Getting his folder, pencil box, and certificate of completion. Then he went to choose a book. I, of course, was crying through this whole thing. I'd like to blame it on the hormones, but then I'd be a liar.

Such a big boy!

Blogger mixed up a few of my pictures. This was supposed to go after the first Happy Sam picture. I just love this little guy! We had a rough start with school. He hated it and never wanted to go. I was a mean mom and still made him go every single day unless he was sick. I can't believe how much he has changed since last September. He's a little sponge and absorbed everything he possibly could. I was able to see his test scores and he is right on track for his age. He loves to spell words as he sees them, and we've been working on sounding them out when he wants to know what something says. This summer we'll be working on writing letters, reading, and just spending time together. We're so proud of him!

The Stinky Cheese Man

2011-06-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

One day, after making lunch, I noticed Mateo was sitting contently on the carpet, which is rather unusual for him. I walked over and realized he had grabbed a block of cheese off the counter and had already started to eat it. I'm pretty sure he would have eaten the whole thing if I let him!

It isn't obvious that he loves cheese, is it?

P.S. My little sister used to have a book called The Stinky Cheese Man. It was a compilation of fairy tales that were re-written into slightly obnoxious stories. I thought it would be an appropriate title for Mateo. And maybe even a new nickname.

Museum of Ancient Life

2011-05-30T20:57:00.000-07:00

Over Sam's spring break we decided to do something educational. Sam and Mateo have been really into dinosaurs lately, so I thought the Museum of Ancient Life would be perfect for them. We invited some other dino-loving friends and had a lot of fun!

Mateo was a little crazy on this outing. I tried my hardest to keep him in the stroller, but he wanted to go around and touch everything. He also tried to climb into some of the exhibits. Let's just say he wasn't my favorite person that day. :)

I'm not sure why Sam decided to crouch down this way, but Mateo went right into position next to him. I think that he was a little nervous to be so close to T-Rex, even if he is only bones now. :) Sam made sure I knew that Tyrannosaurus Rex is his favorite dinosaur. It's still hard to believe how massive these dinosaurs really were! I was amazed.

One really great thing about this museum is how many "hands on" exhibits they have. It's so hard for little kids because they want to touch everything! Sam quickly learned the symbol indicating a "hands on" item and would let everyone know that they could touch it.

The only time I had ever been to the Museum of Ancient Life was when it first opened and they didn't have many fossils or exhibits yet. I can't believe everything they have now! It was impressive, and we will definitely be going back again.

Hogle Zoo

2011-05-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

I am SO behind on my posts! I was looking through my SD card and realized I had a lot of things I wanted to blog about. We went to the zoo with my step-mom and step-siblings over Conference weekend in April (huge mistake!). It was SO crowded! Luckily it was one of the warmest days, so it was nice to be outside.

I can't remember what these animals are, but Mateo thought they were pretty cool! He loved seeing all the animals at the zoo.

Going on a train ride! I think this was Sam's favorite part of the whole day. I think we need to go again this year when it isn't so crazy busy. It's hard to enjoy the animals when you're fighting crazy crowds!

Just Because He's So Funny

2011-05-25T21:18:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest Silly Sam Saying (I just came up with that... brillant.) :) But first, a little background. Manuel is Hispanic (shocker, I know). Sam is at the age where he is starting to notice when people are different. Lately there has been some discussion about how Daddy is brown and I am white which makes Sam "half brown" and he thinks that is pretty awesome. So there's the background to the next two Silly Sam Sayings.

1. Referring to Manuel, one of my friends jokingly told Sam, "Oh there's your grandpa!" Sam's response: "No, that's just my daddy. He's brown."

2. Today was his last full day at preschool. They were having "outdoor fun" so I knew Sam needed some sunscreen just in case. As I grabbed the sunscreen, Sam protested, "I don't need that! I am half brown!" To which I replied, "Well, you're half white too, so that means you wear sunscreen." Still protesting Sam said, "No, I need the brown kind! Not this!"

*"Brown kind" being tanning lotion. Since it comes in a brown bottle I guess he assumes it is for people with darker skin, which he does not have.*

Introducing...

2011-05-17T16:06:00.000-07:00

The newest members of our family.

                                                               Two Mallard ducklings.
                                                                 "Ducky" and "Fly"
My mom needed to go to IFA to get some wire for a super awesome idea she had (be excited, be VERY excited!) and I thought it would be fun for the boys to see the chicks, ducklings, and bunnies so we decided to come along.  First, Sam decided he needed a bunny. There was an ADORABLE mini lop and I wanted it too. I had Sam call Manuel to ask if he could have a bunny, but Manuel wasn't able to answer. I decided not to push anything, and tried to talk myself out of the bunny. :) Sam wouldn't stop asking me for animals. It went from the bunny, to chicks (which we had planned on getting this year but it just didn't work out) to ducks. I had two Pekin ducks when I was in high school- they were the super cute white ones. Their names were Chandler and Bianca, and like most pets I had as a teenager, were often neglected. My mom made me give them away- it was very sad.

So Sam tried to call his dad one more time. I thought he was asking for a bunny but instead he asked his dad for a duck. I couldn't hear what Manuel was saying, (and honestly, I thought he'd say "no"). All I heard Sam say was, "I'll take care of them, I promise!" So he said yes, and we were grabbing everything we needed to take care of two ducklings. Now I am wondering what I got myself into, because I had forgotten how disgusting they are when they are in a box. They have to stay under a heat lamp until all of their feathers have come in. Within 2 hours they have dumped all of their food and made a huge mess with the water. Awesome. Suckered by a 4 year old!

I just hope they are both males, because then they will look like this. Sam has named his "Ducky" and Mateo named his "Fly" mainly because he is so concerned about his "birdie fwy-ing 'way." So even after I explained that his duck will not fly away, he just calls his duck, "Fly." I am sure there will be more duck posts to come! Hopefully some cuter pictures too once we get them settled and can actually handle them. They're a little too scared at the moment to be held. I'm thinking a bunny would have been much easier...

The Silly Stuff

2011-05-04T16:14:00.000-07:00

Some days, I think life with two boys can be insane. Knowing fairly soon another crazy little boy will be added to the mix makes me question my own sanity, but you've caught me on a bad day (every mom has days like that, and if you say "No" I would probably call you a liar. But in a nice way). I need to feel a little more positive about the crazies in my life, so I thought I would share some of the silly things they have done or said recently. I've started writing things down because I really don't want to forget it. Kids say some of the most hilarious things! Plus, they are brutally honest which can be hard at times. :) So here's all of The Silly Stuff.

- After a lesson on the Resurrection, Sam asked if Jesus was still alive. I told him He was, but he now lives with Heavenly Father. Sam asked how he got back to Heavenly Father. Not really sure how to respond, I replied that Heavenly Father just took Jesus back up to Heaven. Sam thought for a minute and said, "Oh, I thought he built some ladders to get back up there."

-Another post-Resurrection-lesson story. Sam had a hard time understanding why anyone would be mean to Jesus. He looked at me with his big brown eyes and asked, "Mommy, why did those bad guys kill Jesus?" I explained that they were very mean men, but that Jesus had to die so that He could be resurrected and make it so everyone can return to Heavenly Father. Sam then said, "Well, when I am 11, I am going to be a fireman and I will rescue Jesus from those bad guys. I will rip out their hearts and their brains." Um... yikes. Not sure where the violent "ripping of the hearts and brains" came from, but Sam made his point. He doesn't like that Jesus had to be hurt, and wishes that he could have done something to keep Him from suffering. I have been amazed how much Sam is beginning to understand.

- As Mateo is walking with a small Book of Mormon in his hands, Sam says: "Mateo! You are carrying the gold plates!"
Me: "The gold plates?!"
Sam: "Yes, the gold plates! I am Joseph Smith and Mateo is Angel Moroni!"

-We've been watching 101 Dalmations a lot lately. One night Mateo was supposed to be going to sleep in his bed, but decided to implement the "twilight bark." As he howled, "OW-OW-OWWWW!" I sternly told him to lay down and be quiet. Mateo's response: "ow-ow-owwwww..." A very quiet howl, followed by a cheesy little smile. He's such a punk.

- We were stopped at a stop light and Sam noticed someone in the vehicle next to us was smoking. He said, "Oh Mommy. Someone in that car is blowing smoke. That is really bad." After I agreed that smoking isn't good, he said: "If I see him doing that again I will say 'Young man, you do NOT blow smoke in your car!' " Pretty sure I almost died laughing. I wasn't even sure where he had picked "young man" up until I heard my mother-in-law use it. The best part was later that day, he caught his uncle smoking and told him, "Uncle Jake, you do NOT blow smoke in the air!" How's that for an anti-smoking campaign?

-Noticing some tattoos on his papa's arm Sam says, "Papa, tattoos make Jesus cry."

-Now, whenever I say something that Mateo does not agree with I get: "Aw, M-O-OM!"

Easter 2011

2011-04-25T16:48:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a good Easter! Manuel had to work a 12 hour shift starting Saturday night so I was pretty much on my own as far as "the Bunny" went. I wouldn't have been as bummed had I not done Santa Claus by myself too! (darn those crazy work schedules!) I tried to keep it rather simple this year. The boys got half the amount of candy they've received in the past (I had to remind myself that just because it looked good and I had a coupon did not mean it needed to be in my house) and one fun thing. Manuel was NOT happy about the Legos. Growing up at his house, the Easter Bunny only brought candy. At my house, the EB brought candy and a small toy, book, movie, or sometimes video game. I am trying to get Sam away from Nintendo, and we have way too many movies, so I opted for something that would be developmentally stimulating. Plus, Sam is all about the Legos lately. His reaction was priceless. He came into the room and said, "Oh my GOSH! The Easter Beagle brought me Legos!" Yes, that's right. The Easter Beagle. Can you tell we watched a little too much "It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown" this year?

Please don't ask about the light on his head. I'm not really sure why he had to put it on to check out his basket. He likes to take cool things from Grandpa's house. His dad definitely did not appreciate Sam shining it on him while he was trying to sleep! I was really worried about Sam getting more into the "hype" of Easter and not caring about the true meaning of Easter. On Friday night, we actually had an evening where Manuel was home at a decent hour. I had been planning a special Family Home Evening and was finally able to put it into action. I wish I would have taken pictures, because I was really excited about it. I took some plastic eggs and numbered them 1 to 5. In each one, I placed an item that correlated with something that happened during the last few days of Jesus' life. The Friend had an article in it that explained the last week of the Savior's life, so I used that to explain the items in each egg. I know it was impossible for Sam to grasp the entire concept, but I know he understood that what happened was important. He learned that Jesus suffered for our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane, that He was crucified, and then resurrected. As we got closer to Easter, I would ask him why we celebrated. His response: "Because Jesus came back to life!!"

This crazy little boy had no idea what was going on, but I know he loved his basket full of candy. He'll get it eventually. If I could get him to sit for longer than a second, he probably would have learned a little more during our FHE lesson. He kind of wears me out!

They had to open their Legos immediately. I quickly learned that it was a bit of a mistake to buy something that is made to be dumped out, but I know it's good for them. They just need to be better at picking up their toys!

This Easter had a different meaning for me. We were in Sacrament meeting listening to two wonderful talks from an amazing couple in our ward. Brother B shared a story that was close to his heart about a little sister he had lost, but because the sacrifices our Savior made for us, he will see her again. It all hit me as I was listening to his talk. The same is true for us. The situation is a little different, because we will never see our baby on earth, but she still had a body. I am so grateful for my Savior. For suffering more than any of us could fully comprehend, and for doing all that Heavenly Father asked of Him. Because of His sacrifice, we can all return to our Heavenly Father, and have the chance to be with our families for Eternity.

Easter Egg Hunt

2011-04-16T16:47:00.000-07:00

Today we went to visit Manuel's grandma at the assisted living home. They put together an easter egg hunt for the families to come enjoy. Sam hasn't been to a real egg hunt for a long time. The last time we went to the one near our home, it was a horrible experience. This time they had a lot of fun, and Granny L was so excited to introduce her great grandchildren to everyone she knows.

I helped Mateo find eggs. They had an area just for the smaller kids so it made things a little easier. We didn't have to worry about the kids getting trampled or anything. Mateo had to carefully study his first few eggs, then decided just to grab what he could and run to the next one. He caught on quickly, and I think he had a lot of fun.

Nana (Manuel's mom) and Jazmine (my niece) helped Sam find his eggs. He had a TON! I found out Jazmine was grabbing armfuls to fill Sam's basket. Sam was pretty glad he had Jazmine there to help him out.:) Do you like the Luigi hat? Sam insisted on wearing it, and Mateo had the Mario hat as well. About a month ago, Sam decided that he needed to be Luigi and Mateo can be Mario. Want to know why?

"Because I am tall and skinny like Luigi, and Mateo is short and chubby like Mario."

People I didn't even know were taking pictures of the boys because of their hats. It wasn't sure if I should think it was funny or if I should be concerned that strangers were taking pictures of my kids.

I'll just be grateful that I have cute kids with crazy personalities that people want to remember. :)

After the egg hunt, we all got to enjoy a donut WITH sprinkles. My boys love sprinkles. Sprinkles make them happy. But don't tell Sam they are "sprinkles" he likes to call them "sparklers" and does not like to be corrected.

Sam's portion of the haul. While he was emptying the plastic eggs, I noticed he was separating them as he put them on the table. I promise I had nothing to do with this (except maybe genetics) and I couldn't believe he had them in their own little piles. I guess my weird OCD tendencies have rubbed off on him a little bit. We might be in trouble.

Little Man{uel}

2011-03-31T15:08:00.000-07:00

While we were shopping at JCPenney the other day, Sam spotted this suit and said, "Oh Mommy! I NEED this!" The fact that he was SO excited about having a suit of his own melted my heart, and since we were in the market for an Easter outfit anyway, I decided to get it for him. He insisted on wearing it to church on Sunday, and was so proud of it he wore his little suit all day long. As Manuel was getting ready for church, Sam walked up to him, opened his eyes really big, and whispered "We look the same!" He definitely looks like a little Manuel! Just wanted share:)

I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go

2011-03-28T13:38:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in Sacrament meeting in my parents' ward. For the opening hymn, we sang "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go." And I cried. Through the whole thing. It probably didn't help that a few members of their ward came up to hug me and tell me that they love me, especially since it was two men that served in the Bishopric when I was a youth, and I think the world of them. So back to the song. I'm choking out the words:
It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea,
It may not be at the battle’s front
My Lord will have need of me.
But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I’ll go where you want me to go.

I know that this song normally refers to service and following the commandments the Lord has given us, but my broken heart took it somewhere totally different. It applied to me. Someone picked that song FOR me. I highly doubt the music director of the ward was thinking, "I'm pretty sure Holli needs to hear this song," but I'm pretty sure the Spirit knew I needed to. For some reason, this is a path that Heavenly Father has chosen for me. I don't understand it, and it's not something I would ever want for myself, but here I am on a path that I do not know.

I’ll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
Over mountain or plain or sea;
I’ll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;
I’ll be what you want me to be.

Since that Sunday, I have found myself asking, "Heavenly Father, where do you want me to go?" I still don't know the answer to that. I may not know for a very long time. I shared a story with a friend recently, who was experiencing a hard time herself. I told her about a blessing my husband gave me after the first ultrasound. I kept waiting for him to say that our babies would be okay. I listened intently. I HAD to hear that. I needed to know that everything would be fine. The words never came. Instead, it was repeated numerous times that I needed to remember Heavenly Father's plan for me. I don't think it was a coincidence that I taught my Primary kids "I Will Follow God's Plan" just weeks before we found out that our little baby was gone. My friend told me a few days later that she kept singing that song to herself, and that it helped. She also told me that in her hard time, she's decided to change her questions from "Why?" to "What?" I think we helped each other a lot that night.

I wish that I could say that the pain is completely gone and everything is back to normal. That would be a lie. I can say, however, that the pain isn't as intense. I still cry at times. I still wish that we'd still be bringing two babies home with us from the hospital. I know this will be a long and painful road. As I have tried to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and put them back together, I am realizing that there will always be a piece missing. Like that darn puzzle you can never complete because somewhere along the way a piece fell on the floor never to be found. I think that's how it will be.

I don't think I've ever relied on the Lord so much before in my life. I know that may sound bad, but I don't mean it to be. I've always relied on Him, just not as much as I do now. I know that He is the only one that can get me through this. I have been blessed with an amazing husband, a very thoughtful mother and wonderful family, and so many great friends. I haven't had to bear this alone, and I am so grateful for that. I have found comfort and answers to prayers through scripture study, but I feel like the Hymns have played a huge part as well. I stood in front of my Primary kids yesterday with my eyes brimming with tears as they sang with me. We learned a song called "If I Listen With My Heart" in January, and we sang it yesterday as a review. One verse talks about the Holy Ghost and how He is here to comfort us. I love how simple the Children's Hymns are. It's one of the best ways to teach the simple truths of our gospel, but it has also strengthened my own testimony immensely.

Perhaps today there are loving words
Which Jesus would have me speak;
There may be now in the paths of sin
Some wand’rer whom I should seek.
O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide,
Tho dark and rugged the way,
My voice shall echo the message sweet:
I’ll say what you want me to say.

There’s surely somewhere a lowly place
In earth’s harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life’s short day
For Jesus, the Crucified.
So trusting my all to thy tender care,
And knowing thou lovest me,
I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere:
I’ll be what you want me to be.

Trying to be Okay

2011-03-10T15:19:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it has been a week since we received the horrible news. While I have learned and grown a lot over the past week, it has definitely not been easy. I am incredibly grateful for all of the amazing people I have in my life. You definitely learn who your true friends are when you need people the most. I have been showered with flowers, cards, meaningful gifts that I will keep forever, hugs, shared tears, prayers... the list goes on and on. I have taken pictures of all of the beautiful things I have received. I tried to include them in this post but blogger wasn't cooperating. I have truly been touched by the outpouring of love I have received. Thank you so much.

I don't believe I have ever felt such heartache my entire life. I've had to gracefully accept mean and insensitive comments, and I've tried very hard to be understanding and remember that people don't know what to say to me. I was lovingly told by my dear friend, Sara, that I don't have to be understanding towards anyone. I've been reminded to take things one day at a time. Very often, I can only take things one minute at a time. While every day the pain doesn't seem to be so severe, my heart still aches and something will remind me of my loss and then I lose it all over again. I have relied on the Lord heavily to get me through this because I know that He is the only one that can. I have also relied on my mom and Manuel, and many friends. I've completely fallen apart while sitting at my friend's dining room table and she let me. I've been irrational and hysterical, and all I have to do is call my mom and she's here within minutes. Poor Manuel has to witness me unglued the most, and I feel bad because I know he's hurting too.

I am definitely not normal. I don't know if I will ever be "normal." I have a hard time using exclamation points and commenting on blogs. I have a hard time returning phone calls. My heart breaks all over again any time someone mentions my twins, unaware of what has happened. I never knew that having someone ask, "How are you doing?" could be the hardest question I've ever had to answer. I'm not great. I'm not even good most of the time. Sometimes I'm ok. Other times, all I can say is, "I'm trying to be ok." It's the best I can offer, and it's the truth. I am reading my scriptures and praying continuously for strength. My wonderful mother bought me two books on grieving the loss of an infant, and I am reading them as well. I'm doing all I can to work through this but it won't be fixed immediately. I've lost my baby and that is something you can never fully overcome.

Yesterday I was able to go to the temple and witness the sealing of Manuel's best friend and his wife. It was beautiful. They've been married for 10 years now and Manuel and I have hoped for years that they would make it to the temple. The most amazing part was when their three children were brought into the room to be sealed to their parents for time and all eternity. It was amazing for them, but it was a much needed reminder for me. It brought me peace and assurance that I will see my precious baby again. We weren't able to find out the gender of the baby we lost, but I have very strong feelings that we lost a baby girl. Our little Princess Penelope, also known as Boo around here. One of Sam's teachers talked to me the other day, and told me how lucky I was to have such an amazing blessing. She told me that I am the mother of a celestial being and she couldn't think of anything more wonderful. While it brings me great pain and heartache, it brings me reassurance knowing that if I live worthily, Manuel and I will see our baby again. Until then, I am trying to be okay.

Heartbroken

2011-03-03T15:14:00.000-08:00

After my last doctor appointment and ultrasound, I wasn't prepared for what I am about to share. One of our sweet little babies decided to go back to Heavenly Father. At my last ultrasound, the doctor and ultrasound tech were concerned about the size of baby "A." It was measuring a week smaller than baby "B." They also noticed something thickening around the neck and head, which was worrisome. I was set up for an ultrasound with Maternal Fetal Medicine so they could get a better look. That ultrasound was supposed to occur last Friday, but was rescheduled for today for some reason.

So we went, and I was prepared for news like Down Syndrome or something like that. I never in a million years would have been prepared for the loss of one of the twins. The ultrasound tech had mentioned something about baby B being a lot bigger than baby A. I asked by how much and she looked at me, apologized for having to say what she was about to say, and told me there wasn't a heartbeat for baby A. Baby A also hadn't grown at all so was probably lost not too long after my last ultrasound. She left Manuel and I for a while as I sobbed into my husband's coat. I couldn't believe it.

After giving me time to calm down a little, the tech came back and asked me if she could get a better look at baby B. So she checked all that she could, even though it's still too early to get a really good look at everything. We also found out that baby B is a boy- apparently that is what we're best at. A while later a doctor came in to talk to us. He explained that baby A had a Cystic Hygroma- it's a chromosomal defect and the excessive amount of fluid made it so the baby couldn't survive. The doctor also told us that it was too dangerous to try to remove the baby so they will leave baby A in there. It won't hurt me or the little guy, and will eventually get smaller and whatever is still there will come when I have the one baby. Sorry for the details, I've had a lot of questions about that so I figured it was easier to just explain it all here.

So here I am, completely heartbroken and in a very weird position. I am grateful and happy that our little guy is growing and healthy, yet I am heartbroken and mourning the death of our other sweet little baby. They're still twins, even if I won't be bringing both of them home from the hospital in August. I am grateful for the fact that Manuel and I were sealed in the Temple. I KNOW that we will see our little baby again. I KNOW that it is in a far better place, and that's one child of ours we never have to worry about. Even though I am devastated and don't quite understand, I know that this is part of the plan Heavenly Father has for me.

My Fave: Age 4

2011-02-20T19:11:00.000-08:00

Today I decided that my most favorite age for my kids so far, is 4. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the baby stage, I could probably live without the crazy toddler stage (although it is good for some laughs), and 3 is definitely fun, but 4 is my favorite. Sam has turned into such a thoughtful kid. He still has his crazy moments, and his irrational moments, but they occur less often than they used to. What I love the most is the funny things he says, and the questions he asks as he tries to make sense of the world.

Here's a few examples:
FUNNY: Sam was sitting on Manuel's lap and... someone... passed gas. Without hesitating Sam says, "Something smells poopy." Oh.My.Goodness. I still can't stop laughing! I wasn't there to witness any of it, but it's still hilarious. He's a funny kid.
MAKING SENSE: Today, Manuel and I went to the Stake Center for recommend interviews. Sam was sitting on my lap asking me what all of the doors were for. I told him they were the Stake offices for the Stake presidency. He thought for a second and said, "OH! So they cook meat here?!" I laughed and embarrassed him, but I couldn't help it. He was just too cute.

I'm sure I will have a new favorite age as my kids grow, but so far, 4 is a lot of fun.

Some Super Huge News That's Almost Unbelievable but Totally True

2011-02-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

                                                                  One word: TWINS
                                                                  Can you see them?
                                                    The ultrasound came out kind of fuzzy
                                                        probably because they're little.
                                             I am 14 weeks along, but already have the belly
                                     I did when I was 4 or 5 months along with Sam and Mateo.
                                                                     Crazy, isn't it?

                                       This is baby "A" (that's what the tech called him/her at least)
                                                            All sprawled out on it's belly.
                                                                           Cute:)

This is baby "B"

He/she was kicking me like crazy during the ultrasound!

Both are growing, although one seemed to be lagging behind a little.

Sam is really excited- he says they will be a girl and a boy

and their names will be "Boo" and "Sully."

Can you tell he likes Monsters Inc?

This was definitely a shock for us,

but we've had a month to let it absorb into our brains.

There's a lot we need to do

to be prepared for a double bundle of joy,

but hopefully it will all work out the way we want it to.

Expect to see them August 10, 2011

Or probably a little sooner than that.

What Happens When Daddy Gets Bored...

2011-01-23T17:52:00.000-08:00

This...

And this...

Then lead to this...

P.S. A few days later Mateo decided to draw his own mustache

with a Sharpie. Awesome.

A Post About Sam

2011-01-16T19:40:00.000-08:00

Today I was reminded by my friend, Sara that I haven't posted anything since the new year. I almost protested when I realized she was... right. A lot has happened recently, but it isn't something I can blog about. Unfortunately it's the recent stuff that has been occupying my thoughts recently, but there are lots of things happening in our family!

Sam started preschool the beginning of September. He pretty much hates it. Or at least that's what he says. :) He comes home and sings all of the songs and is always happy when I go pick him up, so I'm starting to think he's just testing me. Manuel and I have had some concerns about his age and when he should start Kindergarten. He will turn 5 in August, right when school starts. We've been back and forth for months trying to decide what to do. Maybe that sounds weird, but I feel like it's a HUGE decision. It will affect his entire school experience. We've talked, and prayed, and talked some more. I decided a few weeks ago that since he's so small and a little tempermental, it would probably be best to keep him in preschool for one more year and then send him to Kindergarten when he turned 6.

This past week I was in his class helping out. I decided to take an opportunity to talk to his teacher a little bit about what she thought. I explained the situation and asked for her opinion. Since they were testing (they do it 3 times a year to see if the kids are progressing) she decided to pull Sam out to do a section that would give us a better idea of where he was at. He was kind of being a punk that day, so she told me she knew he should have done better on some portions of the test, but there was one section in particular she wanted me to see. The first one was letter and sound recognition. At the beginning of the year he only knew a handful of letters by sight. Now he knows 22. The part that amazed his teacher was the fact that they haven't covered half of the letters he knows! The next section she showed me (I can't remember what the section was, I just remember the score) he had previously scored very low, which is totally normal. This time around he scored a 60 out of 78- and they're only halfway through the year.

After going over the test results, I asked if she thought he'd be bored if I sent him to another year of preschool before sending him to Kindergarten. She said that he probably would, and that academically he will be just fine starting Kindergarten in the fall. The main concern is his emotional development. He's a tempermental child, so he can be overly sensitive or rather difficult at times. She reassured me that he would do just fine and couldn't see any reason to keep him out of Kindergarten. She also told me that there's still many months left of school and he'd be a different kid by the end of the year, which is very true. It's just hard that Kindergarten registration is at the end of this month because it makes me sad to think my little boy is big enough to be in school! So what we found out (but actually already knew) was that Sam is a smart little boy, he's just a punk at times. :)

Christmas Day!

2010-12-29T08:12:00.000-08:00

Santa came!

Mateo got a basketball hoop and some books.

Sam got a Holiday Hero Buzz Lightyear.

If you've never heard of him, he was sold in 1998.

Santa had to work extra hard to find one, but came through!

That was all Sam could talk about for weeks before Christmas!

Opening presents!

Cute Mateo:)

Mateo crashed on the way to Nana and Papa's house.

Poor kid!

Sam and his Holiday Hero Buzz Lightyear.

More presents from Nana and Papa!

Sam got a regular Buzz Lightyear too!

Now he has to carry both around wherever he goes.

We had a great Christmas!

Hope everyone else did too!

Christmas Eve 2010

2010-12-29T07:41:00.000-08:00

We spend Christmas Eve at my parent's house every year.

The tradition started years ago when Michael and I would normally

leave on Christmas day to go visit our dad.

It's been a good tradition, and makes it easier when you

have two families to visit!

The past few years we have skipped the usual Christmas feast

and have soup and bread bowls instead.

It's one of my new favorite traditions now.
Sadly, Manuel had to work that night so we spent
Christmas Eve without him.:(

Of course, we were all spoiled rotten!

Sam had to pose for every present he opened.

Silly boy.

Mateo seemed to have more fun playing with random things

around the house instead of opening his presents.

It probably doesn't help when Grandpa "flies" him everywhere!

All night long Mateo would back himself up by Grandpa's legs

and say, "F-wy me, Gwanpa!"

Don't you love his face in this picture?

Uncle Michael and Aunt Laura got him a piggy bank!

His name is now Hamm... you know, from Toy Story?

Mateo loves Nemo!

He hugged him as soon as he opened the present.

Aunt Allison knows what he likes. :)

The BIG present!

Grandma and Grandpa got Sam and Mateo

a (boy-ish) kitchen AND a grill!

They also got a Cars and Toy Story

apron and chef's hat.

Too cute!

Now, I have to say, kitchens are NOT just for girls!

Boys can play with them too, and it will not

turn them girly or... the other thing.
Seriously.

Putting together Mateo's rocket.

I thought this picture was so funny!

Everyone had to help. :)

TWO!!

2010-12-07T15:02:00.000-08:00

Our little Tato is TWO! I can hardly believe it. It feels like he just made his entrance into the world a week before my crazy finals. :) I was talking about Mateo's birth to a friend the other day and reminded her that I had to be induced so I could make it to my STATS final. It sounded so ridiculous when I told her! Crazy too, but my doctor was fully supportive and Mateo was born a healthy 8 lbs 2 oz so I wasn't worried. Ah, memories. :)

We love, Love, LOVE this crazy little boy! He is ALWAYS on the move. It's hard to keep up with him!

Here are a few things about Mateo:

He loves his big brother and mimics just about everything he does.

His favorite foods include but are not limited to: pizza, beans & rice, cheese
marshmallows,chocolate, bananas, cream of broccoli soup, and "chit-ten" nuggets.

Loves balls. Loves to color (on my walls). Loves "Mit-tey M-ow-sh".

He talks NON STOP! One of my favorite phrases: "My do it!" (Translation: "Let me do it!")

My next favorite: "Sorry, Mama. Ash-i-dent." (accident)

He gives the best kisses! On both cheeks and the mouth. :)

Mateo had his 2 year well-child visit today. He didn't want to have anything to do with the doctor. Probably since he was stabbed with numerous needles the last time he was there. Poor kid. We had been
reviewing the body parts while we were waiting for the doctor to come in. We had started with the eyes and Mateo kept them shut tight through the rest of the body parts. :) When the doctor asked him where his eyes were Mateo refused to show him! Then he got upset when the doctor checked inside his diaper. He started squirming and fussing and then looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said, "Pee-pee!" That made the doctor laugh pretty hard. At least Mateo knows his private parts. :)

Here are his STATS: Weight- 28 lbs 4 oz (50th percentile)
Height- 35.8 in (75th-90th percentile)

Luckily Mateo didn't follow the same pattern as his brother. Sam hadn't even made it back on the charts by his second birthday. I am glad that Mateo is growing and healthy. Just wish he wasn't so crazy!:)

Christmas Time!

2010-12-06T13:58:00.000-08:00

It's that crazy time of year again!

I survived the Ward Christmas party

and received many compliments. :)

Sam's favorite part was getting to see Santa.

It's so cute to see him get into Christmas this year.

Tonight we're going to have a special Family Home Evening

on the purpose of Christmas.

I have the Friend ready to go and a video to watch.

I really want him to know the true meaning of Christmas.

It's still okay to be into Santa though, too.:)

Here he is, patiently waiting to talk to Santa Claus.

Sam couldn't believe he actually got to talk to Santa!

He asked him for a Christmas Buzz Lightyear

which was sold in 1998. Awesome.

Needless to say, mom was a little busy on

Ebay the past few days.

Mateo wasn't too sure of Santa.

I think he asked him for a basketball hoop. :)

Our Christmas tree!

I was so excited to find some treasures

when I was unpacking the ornaments.

I found 5 ornaments I had purchased on

clearance last year!

Christmas came early for me:)

Every year I try to add a little more to the tree.

Hopefully one day it will be complete.

Ugh

2010-11-30T15:34:00.001-08:00

Please excuse my stupid ugly blog until I can figure out what the heck happened. I hate blogger.

A Birthday Party For Tato Tot!

2010-11-27T15:02:00.000-08:00

Mateo's birthday came a little early this year.

Between the Ward Christmas party and numerous boutiques,

I wasn't sure how I would pull it off!

Things worked out though, even if his party was a week

before his actual birthday,

but who's counting?

He was spoiled rotten!

Of course he wasn't interested in unwrapping presents

so his big brother was happy to step in.

And I have to say, he WAS dressed this morning!

In RED, I might add!

Do you like Tato's hat?

He also got a U of U basketball too.

He loved all of his presents!

He was pretty tired after all the

present unwrapping. :)

We were happy most of

our family was able to be here

for Mateo's big day!

Playing with the super cool

tunnel from Grandma and Grandpa!

Mateo chose the theme for his party.

It was "Mit-tey M-ow-sh"

I am a horrible mother.

I tried making his cake

but ruined it as I was pulling it out of the pan.

Manuel had to run to Wal-Mart

30 minutes before his party started to grab a cake.

(Sorry Tato! I will try harder next year!)

Blowing out the candles!

He thought it was fun to have

everyone sing "birf-day" to him!

Cheesy boy eating cake!

The best part of a birthday- playing with all

the new toys!

I will post his official "2 Years Old"

post on his actual birthday. :)

A Serious Problem

2010-11-24T12:37:00.000-08:00

This is Sam.

He has a serious problem.

He hates to wear real clothes.

I have a strict "everyone dressed by 10 am" rule at our house.

Believe it or not, he really does get dressed every morning.

Then we will run errands and the minute he gets home he changes into pajamas.

This drives me crazy for numerous reasons.

#1. It is currently 1:30 in the afternoon. Pajamas are for evening hours

and early morning. They are not all day attire.

#2. They don't even match. It drives me CRAZY that he walks around

looking like a hobo all day long. At least be a matching hobo!

#3. Today, we ran to the grocery store first thing in the morning.

All I had to do was run the groceries inside and make sure

the cold stuff made it into the fridge. Then we had to leave again.

I turn around and notice within the 2 minutes he had been inside

he had already changed into pajamas.

2 MINUTES!

I was livid. We were on a time crunch and he had changed

his clothes!

I seriously cannot handle this new habit of his.

I hate having to wait for him to change into his clothes,

not to mention the fact that he has to get CLEAN clothes

every time he changes.

Extra laundry does not make me happy.

I REFUSE to let him go out in public in his pajamas.

It's bad enough I have to walk around with him wearing

some sort of costume.

The other day he insisted on wearing his Buzz Lightyear costume

all day long.

Anyone want a headstrong 4 year old?

He's about to send me to the looney bin.

I Am Grateful For...

2010-11-23T07:24:00.000-08:00

A handsome husband

and

super cute kids

Awesome grandparents

and

crazy boys

Love

and

Kindness

Family

Laughs

and

silly times

A Picture is Worth a Thousand...

2010-11-12T14:02:00.000-08:00

Giggles.

Seriously, these boys make me laugh every single day.

He even napped with the boot and goggles on.

Crazy little Tato.

Can he look more homeless?

Halloween!

2010-11-10T15:05:00.000-08:00

This year, Sam decided back in July that he was going to be Mario for Halloween. It's fitting, because if you're ever around him you know that Mario is one of his characters of choice for make-believe. He insisted Mateo be Luigi as well. Instead of buying the expensive and not-so-durable costumes from the store, I decided to put them together myself. They turned out fairly decent! Ithink the boys had a good Halloween. We had the ward Trunk or Treat, then we grabbed some Little Caesars and headed home to carve pumpkins with Aunt Allison and almost-uncle Todd.

Sam and his cute friend, Ainsley. Majority of my friends have girls so I think Sam will be a well-rounded kid as far as having friends of both genders. :) He and Ainsley are best buds. Once Sam got hurt while we were out on a walk and sweet Ainsely was so worried about him her mom told me she remembered Sam in her prayers. I'm glad they are friends!

Pumpkin carving! Not my most favorite Halloween activity, but since Sam is getting older we figured we better start making some good memories. :) Can you tell where my kids get their cheesy-ness from? Not from a stranger- I can tell you that!

Sam's finished jack-o-lantern. It's a dog, can't you tell? He even made Manuel cut a little tongue hanging out of the mouth. It was cute and he was very proud of his pumpkin.

All lit up! From left to right there's Sam's (carved by Manuel), Aunt Allison's, and Mateo's (carved by me)

After the festivities at our house, we headed over to Grandma and Grandpa's.

Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween!

Wheeler Farm!

2010-11-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago we went to Wheeler Farm with some friends for Halloween fun! My friend had found some discount tickets where we could go through a corn maze, go for a hay ride (there wasn't any hay...) and pick a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch! It was SO much fun! I've never been to Wheeler Farm before. Sam and Mateo were mesmerized by the ducks and geese. Of course our trip to Wheeler Farm would be the day that I leave my SD card in my computer at home. Boo! Luckily we were still waiting for some people to show up so I ran over to RC Willey to buy one. I'm so glad I did- isn't this picture adorable?:)

In the corn maze! We had such a large group it was hard to keep track of kids. Luckily we had a lot of moms with us so we helped each other out. I felt like I was yelling for my kids the whole time! They had fun running around with their friends.

In the "pumpkin patch!" We were a little disappointed that the "patch" was more like a "pile" but it was ok!

On the hay ride minus the hay! The boys thought it was pretty cool. I felt bad because I was on the phone hashing out some family stuff for most of the ride. :( I just hope my kids don't feel like I was ignoring them (or my friends thinking I am rude!). Their favorite part was when we rode past the animals. Mateo thought it was awesome!

Mateo was a little overwhelmed by all of the choices in the pumpkin patch.

The perfect pumpkin!

We had a great day at Wheeler Farm with our friends!

Hangin' At the Hotel

2010-10-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

We stayed at the Hilton Gaslamp Inn while we were in San Diego. Although we weren't in the most kid friendly area of San Diego, we loved staying at the Hilton. The room was clean and beautiful (I really love that they are now doing down comforters instead of yucky bedspreads) and although the first thing we noticed was 2 pairs of ear plugs we didn't have to use them once. Excellent staff and I loved the valet parking. I didn't love the $35 a day for valet parking, but it was nice to know that our van was somewhere safe and we didn't have to fight the kids in a busy parking lot. All we had to do was make a phone call, walk outside and the van was there. Sweet!

I went exploring with the boys while Manuel was at convention, but we would come back and relax for a while before going on more adventures. I also tried working on some bows since I have many boutiques coming up, but I wasn't as successful as I should have been. Probably because we were having too much fun doing other things. :)

Silly Boys

There was a grassy area right in front of the hotel where people could bring their dogs to run around and do their business. The dogs were so friendly! One boxer kept attacking Sam and Mateo by relentlessly licking their faces. I would have to pick them up to get the dog to stop- it was funny but got tiring after the 4th or 5th time. :) I am so glad my kids love dogs! The boys thought this little Bulldog was hilarious. They had never seen one in person before. Now Sam says our next dog will be a Bulldog. We'll have to see. ;)

I love going on vacation and staying in hotels, but being home is the best place to be! Hilton never ceases to impress me with their awesome hotels and they make it a little easier to be away from home.

Sea World

2010-10-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

We went to Sea World our last day in San Diego. We waited for Manuel do get done with convention and headed over to the park. I have always been fascinated by marine life so I was pretty excited to go. I hadn't been since I was very young so I really didn't remember much. Manuel had gone when he was a little older and thought it was boring so he wasn't too thrilled but was a good sport and went with minimal complaining.:) Can you believe this picture of the dolphins? I heart my camera.

They had a "hands on" area where you could pet Bat and Sting Rays. It was AWESOME! I was scared to touch them at first but decided to get over my fear and do it anyway. I am so glad I did. They were very friendly and would poke their heads up out of the water when they would swim past you. Sam thought it was pretty cool. I love the look on Mateo's face in this picture. He wasn't sure how he felt about petting things in the water.

We got to meet Elmo and Zoe! Sam was kind of mad because Elmo stole his Mario hat. He talked about it to anyone that asked him how Sea World was. I think it traumatized him a bit. Don't worry though, I think he's over it now. :)

We loved the Shamu show! It started right as we walked into the park so we missed a few minutes and made the mistake of sitting in the splash... I mean SOAK zone. Yeah, I didn't think it would be that bad but I should had noticed that hardly anyone was sitting there. Sam was SO mad when Shamu splashed him. Now he acts like he likes Shamu, but I don't think he liked him at all when that happened. Poor kid. He has such a mean mom, making him sit in the soak zone!

Silly boys on a ride in the Sesame Street play area. I liked Sea World, but Manuel stuck with his original feelings on the place- boring and over priced. Oh well, can't win them all! Sam and Mateo liked it, and that's what matters most!

Halloweentime!

2010-10-18T10:07:00.001-07:00

As I was scanning through the pics on my SD card, I realized I didn't take ANY pictures of the cool Halloweentime decorations at Disney! I am so bummed! Hopefully we'll go back over Halloweentime again, but I'll share what I DID get! Mickey was the only character the boys were able to see. Since we were just at Disneyland this past Spring we didn't search for characters. We felt like there was a major time crunch trying to see everything in one day. And it was CROWDED. It was a really bad idea to go there over the weekend, but we didn't have much choice if Manuel was coming with us. So we tried our best to deal with the crowds and have a good time. Sam was in heaven, and Mateo was SO excited to see "Mouse.":)

Teacups! One of our favorite rides! Mateo went down for a nap so Sam and Manuel hit some rides in Storybook Land while I stayed with Mateo. It's so hard to be somewhere so fun and be forced to take a nap! It was also near impossible to GET Mateo to take a nap but he finally realized I wasn't giving up so he gave up the fight and slept for a while.

Okay, how hilarious is this picture of Mateo?!? I laughed SO hard after I took it! We are actually on The Haunted Mansion when I took this. SO funny.

Do you know that I love Halloween? I do, I L-O-V-E it. So mixing my favorite holiday with my favorite amusement park? Seriously awesome. Just don't go on a weekend- it gets a little insane. I was so glad we were able to go, even if it wasn't under the best circumstances with the crowds and other things. Still fun, and I was proud of myself because I was able to not go crazy with the souvenirs so we left Disneyland with a few momentos (it's so hard to use restraint!) and called it a day.

Legoland

2010-10-18T09:48:00.001-07:00

This was our first time to San Diego so we wanted to check out the amusement parks in the area. I found out that Legoland was doing "Brick or Treat" celebrations every Saturday so we decided that would be the best day to go. Sam and Mateo were dressed in their partial Halloween costumes (I am still searching for items to complete them:)) and got A LOT of attention for them. Three workers at different times during the day told Sam he had made their day. That part was fun, but overall, we were a little disappointed in Legoland. The park seems to be for kids between the ages of 6-10. Mateo was only able to go on 2 rides. Sam was able to go on more but still not enough rides to make us feel like we got our money's worth. :) They have a giant jack-o-lantern made from the Duplo blocks. It was pretty cool! There was a hay stack in the back so the kids could climb in for pictures. I thought it was cute.

Part of the "Brick or Treat" was a little area where the kids could go trick or treating. I think that was my favorite part! They ended up with candy, a bag of chips, an apple, coloring pages, a souvenir lego brick... it was awesome!

I did like the cute Lego Halloween creatures. Mateo was posing for me while Sam and Manuel went on some rides. It was good to experience, but I don't think we'll be returning to Legoland unless we happen to stumble across some super cheap tickets. :)

San Diego!

2010-10-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

A few months ago Manuel was asked to attend a Safety Convention in San Diego for work. The company he works for is AWESOME. Two brothers own the company and Manuel couldn't ask for better bosses. They offered to pay for the kids and I to go with Manuel- of course we said yes! So we headed out on Friday, Oct 1st and made the 14 hour drive in one day. (yuck!)

We had a lot to cram in- we only had a few days where Manuel wasn't at convention so I tried to plan the biggest things on days that he could go with us. We planned on Legoland and Sea World, then a few days at the beach. Well... I started thinking about Halloweentime at Disneyland and how The Haunted Mansion is transformed to Nightmare Before Christmas- only one of my favorite movies ever! So I told Manuel about my desire to go, that we would only purchase tickets for one park, and we could go during the weekend, but it was totally up to him. (no pressure at all... right?) Long story short, he said yes so we made the hour and a half drive up to Anaheim to go to Disneyland. Sam had NO idea and it was so much fun to see his whole face light up when he realized where we were going. The next few posts will be different things we did in San Diego. You've been warned! :)

Have You Ever...?

2010-10-15T09:17:00.001-07:00

Had your heart broken? I've been the heart breaker a few times... I was kind of a mean girl. :) I have been reflecting on the heart aching and breaking that comes with being a parent. It is SO hard to watch your children suffer- whether it be physical or emotional. It's new and makes previous "broken hearts" look ridiculous.

Wished time could stop for one second just so you could permanently lock things into memory? I seem to forget so often... my kids are getting big faster than I would like them to and it's hard to realize that they won't be small forever. I don't want to give up the silliness, the innocence, the hugs and kisses for Mommy- I know every stage brings more fun and exciting experiences, but I think everyone should have a toddler around. They're good for the soul.

Spent an entire day with someone and realized you weren't able to say anything? I hate that. I have friends that when we talk, our conversations run smoothly- we take turns talking and enjoy our time conversing. Then I know people that won't let me talk at all. I'm interrupted and ignored. It's SO rude! When that happens, it's like the person is screaming, "What I have to say is much more important than what you have to say, so please shut up and listen to me talk about myself." Awesome, right? I try really hard not to be that person. It's frustrating and so disrespectful. I was exhausted after spending an entire day with a person like that. It made me appreciate the people that actually listen to me even more than I already do. So... thanks. :)

Wished you could be more than you are? I hate that game. It eats me up on a daily basis. I think it's partially due to the fact that I have some amazing people around me that I feel I can never live up to. So on one hand it's a good thing that I'm surrounded by amazing people, on the other, it's not-so-good for me because it reminds me of all my shortcomings and makes me feel bad. *sigh*

Checked my blog hoping for a San Diego post with some super cool pictures? Ha ha! Sorry dear reader, it hasn't happened yet. I think if I could somehow find a good hour of my time I may be able to accomplish that. If anyone can find that hour for me, I would appreciate it. I lost it a while ago and can't seem to find where it has gone or where I can find a new one. I have numerous emails that are waiting for responses, loads of fabric and ribbon waiting for me to transform them into something beautiful, orders to fill, purses to sell, a Trunk-or-Treat to organize, costumes to find... need I go on? Oh how I wish life wasn't so crazy. (double *sigh*)

Sad... and a Little Mad

2010-09-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

There's a good chance I could get into a WORLD of trouble for posting this, but I can't keep quiet any longer. Someone very close to me is continuously being hurt and I can't take it anymore. For privacy purposes, and the fact that I may be killed (not literally "killed" for the record) for even saying anything, I will not be giving details. So if this seems a little vague it's meant to be. Anyway, let me continue with the very vague background.

I love this person dearly. She is A-Ma-Zing. She is incredibly talented, incredibly caring (although she may act like she doesn't, I know she does) and would seriously do anything for anyone. I can't even describe some of the things she has done for people... all I can say is that it's much more than I could handle- or stomach for that matter. Honestly, I feel like people should feel lucky to know her. She has been through SO much. It has made her a very strong person that won't put up with people's crap. How is that a bad thing? In this world, you have to stand up for yourself and others around you. Too many people take advantage.

What I don't understand is why this amazing person is treated the way she is by those around her. The other day I was with her and witnessed an entire row of women from her ward ignore her. They looked at her and said NOTHING. She has come home from church numerous times in tears because of the way she is treated. We all know that it's the Church that's true, not it's members, but how in the world can you have a spiritual experience to strengthen your testimony and bring you closer to your Heavenly Father if you feel like you are not welcome or wanted?

It breaks my heart to see someone I love SO dearly struggle and suffer with heartache and pain. The worst part is that it isn't just one or two people, it's A LOT of people. There are a select few that are very kind, and love this amazing woman because they KNOW just how amazing she is (and I love all of them, because they are just as amazing as she is). I just don't get it. These people are missing out on a lot. I seriously don't understand it, and I have cried and prayed over it numerous times. Shame.On.Them.

Old Wishes

2010-09-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

I remember when I was younger, I was always wishing for different things. Never really wanting to be where or who I actually was. For some reason an old wish came to me yesterday and I started thinking about all of my old wishes. Like:

1. I wish I had blue eyes. My mom always joked that she reached perfection with my youngest brother because he was the only one with blonde hair and blue eyes. I know that it was a joke, but I spent my whole childhood wishing I had blue eyes. Yesterday I was talking to one of my friends and realized how pretty her blue eyes are. That's what reminded me of my old wishes. Now I wish I just had... pretty eyes. Manuel and both of my kids have the super dark, rich, chocolatey eyes- so dark that you almost can't see where the iris ends and the pupil begins. I love it. My eyes are an ugly light brown color that seem to change depending on what I'm wearing- they're so lame they can't even decide what color to be! It's just funny how thoughts change. I went from blue eyes to wanting super dark eyes. I guess I'll never figure that wish out. :)
2. I wish I was a grown up. When I was young, all I ever did was think about what it would be like to be an adult. I could drive. I could be married. I could have kids. Life would be grand. Wish someone would have told me about the bills, and worries, and frustrations... oh I was such a crazy child.
3. I wish I was as skinny as the other girls. I was always taller and a little chubbier than girls my age. I've already talked about past weight issues... it's hard. Everyone has battles they may fight their entire lives and I think weight is a never ending battle for me. I need to be happy with myself and work towards a reasonable goal. I also need to be proactive about it instead of constantly complaining about being fat and not doing anything about it. I'm trying now. I know I can do more, but at least I've started to take control of the situation.

These are just a few of course. It's so funny to think back to my outlook on things whether it be my own identity/self worth, or how I thought life would turn out. It never turns out the way you picture it, but honestly, I don't think I could have ever pictured my life to be as wonderful as it is. I may have trials that are almost too hard to bear, but so does everyone else. I have an amazing husband, 2 crazy adorable kids, a home, a wonderful family, super awesome friends... I am very lucky. Sure I'd like to have a bigger house, more money, smaller waist size, and all of those other things, but I've realized that stuff isn't what makes life great. It's what you do with what you have that makes the difference. I've seen far too many people close to me get themselves into a lot of trouble {temporally and spiritually} trying to get all of the things they think they need to be "happy." That isn't the way it works. I know that I need to be happy now with what I have instead of wishing for better things to come.

Where's My Baby?

2010-09-22T19:37:00.000-07:00

Sadly, Manuel and I decided it was time for Mateo

to get a "big boy" haircut.

He's had quite a few haircuts already, but they were

always "safe" ones; it would make his hair presentable,

but helped keep his baby look.

BEFORE:

AFTER:
Can you believe the difference?
I'm so sad.
I don't think I'm ready to give up the baby look,
but it's too late- he's officially a "big boy." :(

It's-a Me, MARIO!

2010-09-16T15:34:00.000-07:00

You all know my son is crazy, right?

Well, here is living proof.

We were at Hot Topic getting a present for my brother's birthday

(yes, I shop at that store on occasions, shocking, I know) :)

and found an entire Mario section in the Halloween costumes.

Since Sam wants to be Mario for Halloween, I thought it would

be great to buy him a Mario mustache.

Well, the whole "keeping it for Halloween" plan

couldn't last until Halloween.

He insisted on putting the mustache on as soon as we got home

and refused to take it off when we left to go out.

Yup, he wore it out in public.

Luckily he is little, and cute, because everyone around him

thought it was hilarious.

As a parent, I have learned to pick my battles.

This one isn't even worth the fight.

He isn't hurting anyone, and doesn't talk when he's "Mario"

so really, we all win. :)

(He's quite the talker... I'm not trying to be mean):)

Very Touched

2010-09-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

I have a friend that is a very talented photographer. She is also my workout buddy/therapist/cheerleader... and so much more. She ran an idea past me a few months ago where she wanted to use her photography skills to take pictures and do spotlights of women she thinks are amazing. I had NO idea that I would be her first spotlight. (I also had no idea anyone would ever consider me "amazing" but we won't get into that.) We went out to SoDa Row in Daybreak because I'm a modern gal. :) I've never been there before, but I love the feel of the place. It's awesome! First, I have to say that I hate having my picture taken. Mainly because I am SO uncomfortable with the way I look- especially the whole double chin thing. Luckily I was with my friend because I was able to be a little more crazy than I would have been with a stranger, and we had a lot of fun together! We even ate gelato, and it was DELICIOUS! Here are some of the pics:

There are actually some really cute ones (which I NEVER say about pictures of myself!) but I tried to pick some with the least amount of double chin. :) I was truly touched by the things that my friend said about me, and also touched by the comments made by others on her blog. I really have no idea what people think of me. All I can really hope is that they're good things- but in the end that all depends on how I treat others. I hope she doesn't mind, but I am going to place a link to The Little Mrs blog right HERE . Check out her photography blog while you're there!

First Day of School!

2010-09-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

Today was Sam's first day of preschool! I think I was more nervous than he was. He was not happy about waking up and getting ready to get out the door though. Sam likes to take it easy in the morning. I'm sure we'll both get the hang of it after a while. Of course I had to snap some pictures! I love that his backpack is half his size. He seriously looks so adorable running around with it on.

At the front of his school! So excited!

Here we are in his classroom. He HATES having to wear his name... bib. I know that they need them for quick identification, and it helps when parents are there or when people from the district come, but really? So dorky. Funny and necessary, but totally dorky.

Sadly, I got a phonecall from the preschool. I was scared to death when I saw the number on my caller ID, but it was one of the teachers calling to tell me that Sam was having a rough time and needed to talk to his mommy. When Sam got on the phone, he started crying and told me I needed to come pick him up right then. I told him that I was so proud of him for being a big boy and that I would come pick him up as soon as school was over, and he needed to go play and have fun with his new friends. He seemed to calm down a little, but it broke my heart. I fought the urge to drive over to the school and pick him up right then. He's still at school, so hopefully things were easier for him.

Poor little guy.

Growing up is hard.

4 Year Check-up

2010-09-01T11:58:00.000-07:00

Sam had his 4 year well child visit today, and I wanted to post his stats. He gets really nervous whenever he has to go to the doctor- after all of the tests he went through when he was young he was never the same at the doctor's office. Anyway, I sat while the doctor asked Sam questions and tried my hardest not to laugh at his answers.

Here's a few:

Dr. Barrett: "What's your name?"

Sam: "Mario"

Dr. Barrett: "What's a river?"

Sam: "Water" (as he puts his hands together, then extends them)

Dr. Barrett: "What's a house?"

Sam: "Toys"

My kid is crazy. We talked about him going to preschool, when to start kindergarten, the fact that he is distractable (I thought this was a bad thing, but the doctor seemed like it was a more positive attribute) and other things. He encouraged me to be a pest to his preschool teacher, which I was already planning on, and talked about how preschool is mainly for social skills than academics, which I already knew. :) The worst part of the whole visit was the vaccinations. Apparently the older kids aren't able to have the cluster vaccinations, so Sam had to have 5 shots, plus the flu nasal spray. He asked Grandma to hold his hands while they did it. There were two nurses trying to be as quick as they could and would give him a shot in both legs at the same time. I have never heard Sam cry and scream they way he did today. It was SO much worse than when my babies had shots. I think it was because Sam knew exactly what was happening. I felt terrible. The only positive thing is that now he is completely up to date, and won't need anymore until he is 12. Yay for that at least!

I have been feeling a lot of anxiety when it comes to Sam going to preschool. I haven't been able to sleep and I think about it all of the time. I don't know what's wrong with me! You can bet I will cry the first day of school too. I know it will get easier, but right now I have a lot of reservations about the whole thing. Mainly because if he does well, then he'll be starting Kindergarten next year and that will be the end of having him home with me all the time. I am sure that at some point I will be happy to send my kids off to school, but I'm not there yet. I know that it's the best thing for him, and that he will have SO much fun, but it's still hard for me. I'm just being selfish I guess.

So here are Sam's stats:

Weight: 28 lbs 6 oz

Height: 37.5 inches

He's in the 5th percentile for height and weight, but the doctor is pleased with his growth. The sad thing is that he's still too small for a booster seat in the van! He'll probably be in his car seat until he's in like 3rd grade, and then will be in a booster until jr high. Okay, so that isn't true, but Sam's a skinny little guy for sure!

Vintage

2010-08-29T20:42:00.000-07:00

This may come as a surprise, but I have a love for all things vintage. Well, all things clothing/jewelry/super cool kitchen stuff vintage. Have you ever seen any Doris Day movies? I own a few if you'd like to borrow one, but MAN! I love, Love, LOVE her style. In fact, my mother always makes comments like, "that is SO Doris Day... and SO you..." It's always nice to have someone shopping that really knows your style. Anyway, I was trying to find a replica of a super amazing ring that my mother-in-law owns (it's a vintage cocktail ring *sigh*) and although I couldn't find one that is like hers, I found WAY too many cute ones. I also reminded myself of an awesome retro clothing store downtown Manuel and I like to visit from time to time. So all of these webites made me realize I really need to hit that store up soon. Mainly for the jewelry, but I think I may need to get some clothes to go with it. I'd even take vintage inspired clothing, but I think the jewelry needs to really be vintage. If only I had a money tree...

4 Years Old!!

2010-08-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe, but Sam is now 4! I can't believe how fast time flies. I can still remember bringing him home from the hospital. We love our crazy little guy! He starts preschool in September and it makes me want to cry. He's definitely not a baby anymore. We had Sam's party the day before his actual birthday- he had been talking about his party for months! His original birthday ideas included three parties- all with different themes. Where he got the idea that he would be having more than one party is still unknown. :) Luckily he decided on Toy Story, and I was happy with his decision. I have wanted to do a Toy Story party for him for a few years now, but they never really had any Toy Story decorations. Thanks to TS3 there's stuff EVERYWHERE now! I think maybe I wanted a Toy Story birthday more than he did. :)

He got SO many great presents! He was very serious when he was opening them. I'm not sure if it was because he was nervous or embarassed, but I had to give him a minute to "absorb" each present before I could snap a picture. He's such a funny kid. I just hope people didn't think he was ungrateful or didn't like them- I just think he was overwhelmed by all of the cool stuff! I told Manuel that I am so thankful so many people love our kids. I know that may sound weird, but I didn't have a lot of extended family/family friends around when I was growing up, so it means a lot to have so many people care about my children. I was very grateful for the people that made an effort to attend/acknowledge his birthday- I am sure attending a 4 year old's party isn't the most exciting thing, so a big thanks to the people that we love for making Sam's day special!

Opening presents is very serious work.:)

As soon as we cleaned up and brought all of the presents
inside Sam had to open everything!
Even Manuel wanted to play with the presents. :)
I love this picture!

Here are a few things about 4 year old Samuel:

-He is currently working on letter recognition. His favorite letters are S, X, and O

- He loves to play his guitar and sing songs. He also likes to dance while doing both. :)

- Sam likes to help Daddy work on the Bug

- He LOVES to play make-believe. Sam is always a different character. His favorites are Buzz, Mario (as in Super Mario Bro.), Iron Man, and Spongebob. There are others, but these are his top favorites. He really gets into character too- he won't even respond to you if you call him Sam. You must use his character name, and refer to everyone else as their assigned character names as well. Mateo is usually Woody or Luigi, and very often I am Jessie and Princess Peach.

- He can spell and sight read a few words. I wish this had something to do with my efforts, but it really doesn't. One day he looked at a piece of paper and asked, "Why does that have my name on it?" We have also learned that spelling certain words won't work anymore because he knows how to spell them (Thanks to Toy Story he knows how to spell "toy"- thanks a lot Woody!).

- Sam is a big helper around the house. Just today he helped me unload the dishwasher. Unfortunately he isn't tall enough to reach the cupboards so a lot of dishes ended up on the counter, but I really appreciate his efforts. :)

-He loves to play games. His favorite is, "I love you more than _____" Right now, he loves me more than trees with pineapples. Crazy kid.

- His favorite movies include but are not limited to: Toy Story (all 3)

Monsters Inc

Cars

The Herbie movies

We love our crazy Samuel! Still can't believe he's 4, but we're looking forward to watching him learn and grow. Happy Birthday Sam... I mean Buzz... Mario... Iron Man... We love you!

The Cake

2010-08-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

For some reason blogger really hates my new SD card, so I can only upload three pictures per post. I really hate that. If anyone has any suggestions on how I can remedy that problem, I will love you forever. :) Until then, I decided to do two separate posts for Sam's birthday. First the cake, then the b-day post. Sam wanted a Toy Story birthday this year. After taking that cake class last week, I really wanted to make his cake. I figured an alien would be the easiest to do so I carefully planned it out. I wasn't completely happy with it because the cereal treats I used made the eyes and the ears look all bumpy. I didn't have time to put layers of buttercream on, so I did my best.

The cake was vanilla, with strawberries and whipped frosting in the middle. I also used the whipped frosting for the dirty icing on the cake because I really detest buttercream. It worked better than I thought it would- the only problem was when I started cutting the cake, the fondant slipped right off. I figured I would rather have a cake that tastes good than looked perfect. And it was REALLY good! My mother-in-law even requested I make her birthday cake in a few weeks!

The birthday boy and his cake! Sam loved it, and just told me it was "impressive." I have the cutest kid ever. :)

The One With a Good Quote

2010-08-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was reading the Ensign and came across a Q&A about reaching out to others when they tend to associate only with friends in their social group. It brought out quite a few emotions from me- sadness, anger, and just frustration. Here we are in a church that focuses on charity and the pure love of Christ, yet there are SO many people that don't feel like they fit in. Ask any convert to the church and they'd tell you how it is. Ask any person that has just moved into a new ward.

I really struggled when Manuel and I got married. We moved into some apartments in Taylorsville that happened to be within the ward boundaries of some houses on "Canal Road"- they were rather fancy, and a lot of the people that lived there thought they were pretty special. Almost every person that lived on that road had to tell you that is where they lived- even if you didn't ask. Conversations would go something like: "Hi, my name is ______. I live on Canal Rd." I'm not even kidding. There was only one family that NEVER told us they lived on that fancy road, and we are still good friends with a few members of that family to this day. After 6 months of horrible apartment living Manuel and I decided it was time to look for a house. We looked and looked and looked. We even made offers but they either wouldn't go through or didn't feel right to us. Then we found it. An adorable yellow house with the modern flair that I love. We were so excited to live in a quiet little town- especially since we had both lived/grew up there (I moved to this town when I was 9, Manuel lived there until he was about 18). Anyway, I found out that I had a few friends in the ward as well, and Manuel knew A LOT of people so he felt right at home. Well, my friends served in Primary so I went to Relief Society by myself. It was horrible- no one would talk to me. I wasn't approached or welcomed by anyone in the RS presidency, and was never asked to introduce myself. One sister asked me where I lived and when I tried to explain it, she was rude to me. I had been told that our house was "So-and-so's house", so that is what I ended up telling people. "We live in ______'s old house." I hated it! It was OUR house! So-and-so hadn't lived there for years! Anyway, after hoping for friends and feeling like I belonged after living in the horrible Canal Rd ward, I felt alone. Thank goodness for the sweet old ladies that sat on the back row. They befriended me. No one else wanted to talk to me, but they always had a seat for me every Sunday. It got to the point where I told Manuel that I would just go home after Sacrament meeting. It was just too much for me. My grandmother had just passed away, and we were experiencing some other family troubles, and no one was there to offer a hug or a comforting word. People would get up in Fast and Testimony meeting and rave about how wonderful the ward was and how much they loved it. I thought it was a crock. I couldn't believe anyone could say that. It was so weird. Anyway, I broke down one day to the only friend I had in the ward (she and I had known each other since elementary school, and she was one that served in Primary so I never saw her) and she asked me if I would be willing to substitute in Primary. Things eventually got better- I was called into the YW presidency, then a month later was called to be the YW President (at 22- still crazy to me!). The boundaries were changed and new people were brought into the ward, a new Bishop chosen, and things were a lot better. I have made friendships I am sure will last a lifetime, and truly felt a sense of belonging.

After reading the article in the Ensign, I remembered my whole experience as a new member of a ward. With all of that fresh on my mind, I had a few experiences at church recently that sent me home in tears vowing to never return. It keeps happening too and I'm not sure what to do about it. The problem is a few things. 1. I am incredibly sensitive. I hate that about myself. It is WAY too easy to hurt my feelings. Because of this, I try to avoid people I know will hurt me. Maybe it sounds cowardly, and it's not like I'm rude about it, I just try to stay away. Defense mechanism or survival skill, call it what you wish. 2. I am also very shy. Shocking, I know, right? If I don't know someone, or I'm uncomfortable, it is really hard for me to talk. I get all nervous, say dumb things, or feel like I'm going to throw up. That is something I am trying to work on though. I think if I had served a mission maybe that kind of stuff would be easier, but I didn't so I just need to suck it up and talk to people. I'm not sure if this gets confused as me being stuck-up or not, but I really don't intend it to be that way. Ever.
The more I think about it, the harder it is. I think about the way I have been treated and I don't even know if these people understand what they have done. Would they care if they found out I stopped going to church because of them? Probably not. What kind of person would I be if I just gave up and let someone else get in the way of my eternal salvation? I'd be a coward. You hear it all the time that it's the church that's true, not the members, but why do we even have to say that? Why does it have to be that way? It shouldn't be, and I really feel for the people that have fallen from the truth because of the actions/words of others. I can see how it happens.

A few weeks ago I was searching for a quote to put on my Facebook profile. I found an amazing one by Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley. She says, "Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." If you have facebook, I apologize because I shared this quote a few days ago, but this quote has hit close to home recently. It is SO true, and we really need to remember that everyone we meet is fighting their own demons. Everyone has their struggles. We are all fighting a hard battle. So I think about the things I have recently been offended by. Did these people know that I'm insecure about ______ or that my life has been in shambles recently because of this, and that, and the other stuff, making it so bad that sometimes it's hard to even breathe? Doubtful. Do I remember that when dealing with people? I have been trying to. How am I going to feel when Heavenly Father approaches me to ask why I hurt someone's feelings? Or (heaven forbid) drove someone away from the church? I couldn't live with myself. I HATE it when I know I have caused someone pain. I HATE it when people are upset with me. My mom has told me many times that I am a peacemaker. I don't know if really live up to that title, she is my mom so it's her job to say nice things about me, but I really hate knowing that I have upset someone. I guess since I am that way I expect others to be as well. But can you imagine how much better our lives would be if we tried to remember that everyone we meet is "fighting a hard battle?" I think it would make us stop and think before yelling at someone or giving a rude, unsolicited opinion. I wish I could thank Sister Hinckley, for all of the wonderful treasures she has left us. I know because of her quote and my own experiences I have a greater resolve to be more kind and loving towards others. I hope everyone else would want to do the same.

"A Wedding! A Wedding! We're Going to a Wedding!"

2010-08-16T12:17:00.000-07:00

Anyone that can tell me where that quote is from (actually, it's a line in a song) gets bonus points. :)

Friday afternoon we drove up to Blackfoot for my dad's wedding. It was a super quick trip- we got there around 6:30, the wedding started at 8, then we were back on the road headed home at 9:30. Long day! Sam and Uncle Michael making funny faces.
The boys with Grandpa B. (aka The Groom)

My siblings & the kiddos! (except for my sister Alyssa)

Even though it was a quick trip, it was nice to see my family! I was kind of bummed that the photographer didn't take any pictures of my dad, Katie, and all of the kids together so I took it upon myself to snap some pictures with my camera. The photographer seemed annoyed, but that's what she gets for not being very thorough, right?:) If she's taking pictures of my dad, Katie and her kids, wouldn't it make sense to take some with us? Maybe that's just me though, and since I'm not a professional photographer, I guess I can't really say. :)

Anyway, I hope to get to know Katie soon, and I wish the newly married couple the best of luck!

P.S. On our drive home some crazy animal ran right into our van on the freeway! It was pitch black and scared the crap out of us! Manuel pulled over to figure out what had happened, and there's a good sized dent on the sliding door of the van. I know this sounds mean, but I hope whatever it was died. It smashed the van pretty good, so I am sure it was suffering somewhere. I JUST got my van out of the body shop a few weeks ago! What the heck?!?

Cake Class!

2010-08-15T14:50:00.000-07:00

I have wanted to learn how to decorate cakes for a while now. I am ADDICTED to Ace of Cakes and Cake Boss. I told Manuel a while ago that it would be SO cool to be a pastry chef. Since my brother is currently attending culinary school, I didn't want him to think I was "copying" him so I've given up the dream. :) Actually, I realized I could learn from others to acquire the skills that I need. My friend, Sara told me about a company called Salt Cake City. The owner, Jennifer Hill, teaches cake classes. About a month ago Sara and I signed up for a beginners class where we would learn fondant. We were SO excited! Class started with a binder and a discussion about our love for office/school supplies- and my love for binders, sharpies, and post-it notes. We knew we'd have a splendid time together since we all had so much in common! After our random tangent it was time to get to work! This is the beginning of the process. Marshmallows, powdered sugar, and cake. I was a little nervous.

This is my cake after the first crumb coat. It was hideous and I was a little nervous. I had to remind myself that if I DIDN'T get it the first time, I just needed to practice. Ha. That is almost impossible to tell yourself when you're a perfectionist. Anyone that knows me well knows that if I don't do something to my standards the first time, it isn't likely I will do it again. That drives Manuel crazy. I really try not to be that way, it just happens. I told Jennifer that I had to prepare myself for failure so I would try again. I have to say, this whole task isn't easy. Decorating cakes is hard work!

The finished product! I was rather pleased with myself! I am planning on making a Toy Story cake for Sam's birthday so we'll see how it works out. This class was SO fun! Jennifer also teaches a topsy turvy cake class and I will definitely be signing up for that one! If you're interested in taking a class or ordering a cake, check out Salt Cake City's website here. Thank you Sara for finding the class, and Jennifer for being such a patient instructor!:)

Help Christine!

2010-08-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

Sweet little Christine was diagnosed June 4th with type ALL leukemia. I am helping my friend organize a fundraiser to help her family with medical bills and anything else they may be in need of at this time. I appreciate all of the generous donations, and will be trying to gather them over the next week or so. However, without attendees at the auction, all donations will be in vain!

Help Christine Rose Fundraiser

Friday, August 20th

6-9pm

Pleasant Green Wardhouse Parking lot

8739 W 3000 S

There will be some GREAT stuff to bid on! Cookie Lee... Scentsy... Pampered Chef... awesome artwork... photography... cute homemade items... the list goes on and on! Please try to make it, and feel free to pass the word on! Thanks SO much!

I'm OK!

2010-08-06T13:19:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to give an update on Mateo. He is just fine. Febrile seizures are super common (about 25% of children under age 6 get them) and completely harmless. They just scare the crap out of you. :) On Tuesday Mateo went in for a doctor's visit just as a follow-up. The doctor and I discussed where to go from here, and decided that any testing would be unnecessary. Since Mateo has had a febrile seizure, he is at more risk of having another, but it isn't likely. I did find out that since he stopped breathing for as long as he did his seizure was more complicated than most febrile seizures. Some halted breathing is normal, but the fact that Mateo lost all color and his lips were blue means that he stopped breathing for longer than he should have. Scary. I am now looking into CPR certification. I was certified in like... high school... and I can't say I remember much. Thank goodness for Manuel and Michael. Because of THEIR training, Mateo is okay. Being the mommy though, and being the one that is with the boys the most, makes me realize that I am not very prepared for certain emergencies and I really need to be. The helpless/panicked feeling I had Sunday still haunts me, and I know that I need to be proactive and get the education I need that could save a life.

You find out who truly cares about you in time of crisis. Manuel and I have been deeply touched by the texts/comments/phonecalls that we received as people reached out to us to make sure that we were okay. We are so grateful to have such wonderful friends and family. Thank you for your love and support.

Scariest Day Ever

2010-08-01T20:37:00.000-07:00

Today started out like any normal Sunday. We went to church, then headed to my parent's house for a b-day celebration. As we ate dinner Mateo fell asleep so Manuel laid him on the couch to take a nap (he was a serious grump, and REALLY needed some rest!) Not too long later he woke up fussy and I picked him up and held him. As my dad was opening his gifts, I noticed Mateo felt a little warm. Literally just a few seconds later, I looked down to see Mateo's eyes rolled to the back of his head. I tried sitting him up to see if he was okay and his entire body went limp. I screamed for Manuel and realized Mateo had stopped breathing. Within seconds his whole face was gray and his lips had turned blue. We had no idea what was happening, and I thought I had lost my baby. Manuel and my brother administered CPR while my mom called 911. That was the longest few minutes of my life. They finally got him to take a few breaths, but it was really shallow and he wasn't responding to anything else. We got a few small whimpers, but his eyes were still rolled back and he wasn't moving. After an eternity, the paramedics arrived. Mateo had regained color and was starting to breathe better. They told us he more than likely had a febrile seizure.

A febrile seizure is very common, and not harmful. It is caused when the body experiences a sudden spike in temperature. We were told that more than likely, Mateo had a sudden high fever and it was too much for his little body to take which caused the febrile seizure. After he was stable, they loaded him up into the Ambulance, had me sit up front, and headed to Primary Children's Medical Center. We were there for a few hours while they tried to get his fever to break and make sure his vitals were good. For a while, all he wanted to do was sleep and when he was awake he cried and at times was completely inconsolable. Once his fever broke, Mateo started acting more like his crazy self. He asked for cheese, so my mom tracked some down for the little guy, and he was drinking Gatorade like he hadn't had anything to drink for days. Now, about 7 hours later, he is completely fine. He's running around playing with his brother and teasing everyone.

This was the most terrifying experience I have ever had. I seriously thought we were losing him, and I remember my desperate prayer to my Heavenly Father to not take my baby. It was a reminder to me of how fragile and precious life is, and that I really need to stop and thank my Father in Heaven for everything he has given me. I am grateful that my husband is a worthy Priesthood holder, and was able to administer to our son when he (and we) needed it most. I am also grateful for the amazing Paramedics and hospital staff that did all they could to help Mateo and reassure us that he was going to be okay. I know this could have been so much worse, and I am so thankful that he is okay. I never want to go through that again.

Need Your Help

2010-07-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I received a phonecall from a friend in my ward. What she told me nearly broke my heart and I knew I had to help. One of her friends lives in a neighborhood across the street from me. Her 2 year old granddaughter has been diagnosed with Leukemia and is currently receiving chemo therapy. I can't even imagine a little one so small and young having to endure something like that. My heart aches for the family, especially her parents. I don't know them, but I can only imagine how terrifying it would be to have one of my children diagnosed with CANCER. I hate that word. It has taken some of the people I have loved most dearly, and I am sure everyone has lost someone they loved to that horrible C-word too.

My friend is a great lady, and has offered to organize a fundraiser in order to help the family with the very large hospital bills they will incur. She has decided to do a silent auction and is in need of donations. That's where you, all of my devoted readers come in. :) If you have anything you would like to donate, please let me know! I am donating a Scentsy Plug-in System and possibly more things as well. I think she is looking for new, or homemade items (so if you sew... make bows... have some gift cards laying around...) anything would be great. I will also post the information I know about the silent auction when it gets closer in case anyone is interested in attending.

Thanks for your help!

I Love to See the Temple

2010-07-11T16:49:00.001-07:00

We have had a lot of visitors over the past few weeks. I have a lot of photos to upload, but for some reason blogger doesn't like my high definition SD card. I think it's too much, so I am only able to upload a few at a time. Boo! Anyway, the most recent visit was my Grandma Bean. She stayed up in Idaho with my aunt but came down to stay a couple nights with us before she headed back to Iowa. I asked her if she would like to visit Temple Square while she was here, and so we loaded up the kids, parked at my old branch, and walked the two blocks to Temple Square. My cute kiddos in the Joseph Smith Memorial building.

My grandma couldn't believe we were on the 10th floor. :)

I bet this picture would be amazing if it was taken at night,

but I think it turned out nicely during the day too.

We ate at The Garden restaurant.

I've never been to The Roof, mainly because I don't

think I could ever justify spending $37 a person on food,

but that's just me.

Trying to be more health-food conscious, I had

one of their whole wheat rolls.

Can I say... heavenly?

It must not be very good for you,

because that roll was

oh-so-delicious

and most everything delicious is not so healthy.

At least I "felt" healthy.:)

After lunch, we walked around and snapped some pictures.

Mateo was not in the "posing for pictures" mood, but Sam

was willing to take a few.

Please excuse his "Lloyd Christmas" hairdo.

He just had it cut and I didn't have time to fix it that morning.

Wish I would have though!

Anyway, walking around Temple Square brought a few thoughts to my mind.

It must have done the same to my grandma because we had quite a few

things to discuss and then agree upon.

1. We are pretty sure that Heaven has flowers everywhere. I mean, look at Temple Square. I think the Temple and surrounding area is the closest glimpse we have to Heaven, and it is always beautiful. How could we not have flowers? We talked a lot about my great Grandma Leonard (she's the one that passed away in January) and my Grandma mentioned that she hoped there were tons of flowers near great Grandma. I told her there had to be!

2. We should take advantage of the blessings of the Temple. The nearest Temple to my Grandma is Nauvoo, which is quite a drive. As we were talking about it, I was overcome with guilt. We have 5 Temples within a 30 minute radius and I don't go as often as I should. There's always something- lack of time, problems with scheduling, arranging someone to watch the kids- I know that there's no excuse. I hate feeling so busy all of the time. What would I say when I get to the other side and I have like 10 visits on my Temple attendance roll? "Sorry Heavenly Father, I had to clean my house, do the laundry, go to Stamp Club, find Sam's shoe... you know how it is, right?" Okay, first of all, I have aready have more than 10 visits, and although they claim no one keeps record, I am pretty sure someone is paying attention. I realized when I was down there I need to stop all of the excuses and get things done. I need to make time for things like: personal scripture study, Temple attendance, food storage guru, Family history work, the list goes on and on. If it means I have to schedule it on my calendar for a while until I get the hang of it, maybe that's what will happen, but things have to change. I am filling my days up with good things, but sometimes they aren't the right kind of good things. Make sense?

I was so happy to spend time with Grandma Bean. She even made us a cherry pie while she was here, and talked me through the whole thing. I have never made a homemade pie in my life, but guess what I made last night? Apple Pie Squares. And they were delicious. I also made homemade rolls. One step closer to the "domestic diva" I want to become!

The Problem With Blogging...

2010-07-05T15:28:00.000-07:00

I've been all blogged out lately. I have been completely unmotivated, and I have actually stopped checking everyone else's blogs for a while too. Summer seems like a crazy time, but I don't think I can blame it on that. Recently, I've had some issues with the whole idea of blogging. I know that I have joked about posting only for comments and such, but that really isn't WHY I decided to blog. I just thought it would be fun, and it would be a way for my long distance family to know what is going on with us, and to keep them updated with pictures and happenings. After a while, I realized that I was putting important dates and information that I wasn't recording ANYWHERE else (like when important milestones had been reached) and our blog became the best record I would have for our family (because, let's face it, I totally suck at writing in my journal and trying to find time to scrapbook is a JOKE). One of my friends sent me a link to a company that allows you to create your own book- upload pictures, blog posts, and create super cute layouts- and I knew that was what I needed to do. (Thanks, Jana!) So eventually my blogs will be made into a book for every year I have been blogging. We'll see when that happens though! It's the thought that counts though, right? :)

Anyway, sometimes I have used my blog as a place to vent. Which is fine... sometimes. Someone I have a lot of respect for was not very happy about a serious blog post I had written months ago. He gave me a lecture, and it made me think about the things I post. I don't want to be a person that offends or makes others feel bad. One reason I have stopped reading blogs lately is because I pick up on passive-aggressive digs towards myself or my friends and I don't like it. It's mean and shouldn't happen. I also read blogs where the author tries to advertise how wonderful they are- as a spouse, parent, friend, whatever, and I just can't take it. It makes me feel horribly inadequate, and I am sure that is due to my own insecurities, but why should I read something that is going to make me feel bad? I am sad, frustrated, and discouraged. Maybe one day soon I will have the desire to post something. Right now, I'm not sure what to do.