I Like Myself!

I've really been struggling with myself lately. Actually, I think I've struggled with myself my ENTIRE life. I've always had a hard time with my self esteem. I know I've talked about that before, but it's hard. There are people in my life that make me feel small and insignificant. That certainly doesn't help my self esteem. I always tell myself, "If you were skinnier, maybe they would like you." Or, "If you dressed better, maybe they would like you." These people make me feel fat and ugly. I hate it. The worst part, is that they're family! I always thought family was supposed to build you up, not tear you down.

Over the course of about 4 months, I have lost about 23 pounds. Stupid Christmas kind of got me off track, and I'm STILL trying to get myself back to where I need to be. Luckily I didn't gain any weight back, but I've maintained, and that's just as frustrating. After I lost the weight, I gained some self-confidence. I actually felt GOOD about myself, and that hasn't happened in a very long time. I had a very serious talk with my good friend,Amanda, about fulfilling a lifelong desire to wear red lipstick. She told me that with my spunky personality, I could totally pull it off. That made me feel even better! She gave me some samples and I felt AWESOME. Compliments from my friends made me feel even more confident.

So here I am feeling all awesome about myself, and I realized it didn't help me with these people AT ALL. Then I went back to feeling horrible again. I told myself, "Maybe once you lose ALL the weight, they'll accept and like you." I cried to my mom about how these people make me feel, and I needed it to stop. I just want to feel pretty. And skinny. And awesome. I thought about it all day, and I got kind of mad. Who are THEY to make me feel bad about MYSELF?! How could I allow them to make me feel bad about myself?! Then I felt ridiculous. And still really mad. And then I remembered a book I bought for Sam. It is a darling book, called I Like Myself! It is written by Karen Beaumont, and is the cutest book I have ever read.

I thought about this book, and realized that I really need to like myself. When I let other people affect how I feel about myself, I am giving them power over me. I can't do it anymore! While I don't find myself to be all that pretty,(I really think I am the ugliest person in my family) I can still like other things about myself. Maybe my blog isn't the best place to make a list, I'm going to do it anyway because I don't trust myself to write it in my journal:) 

What I like about me:
I like that I can cook. I also think I am a fairly good cook
                                  I like that I can keep my house mostly clean
                                  I like to think that I'm a good mom. Or at least I try to be
                                  I like that people feel like they can trust me
                                  I like that I can write
                                  I like that I was smart and married an awesome man
                                  I like my style, or at least the style I'm aiming for :)
                                  I like that Sam's teacher thinks I'm a cute mom
                                  I like that I co-produced some rather amazing kids
                                  I like a lot of things about me, but we'll end it here.

"I like myself! I'm glad I'm me. There's no one else I'd rather be."
"I like myself because I'm me!"