It's Official...

We are destined for a house full of superheroes.

And yes, superhero is one word.

I looked it up. 

Three weeks ago, I had taken my mom, Mateo, and Ben with me to my doctor's appointment

so Mateo could hear the baby's heartbeat.

My awesome doctor took it one step forward and decided to show Mateo the baby via sonogram.

The baby just so happened to be in a position where we could see the... parts.

My doctor looked at me, and said he was 90% sure it was a boy.

It came as a shock, because I was almost certain it was a girl this time. 

Man, was I wrong.

I decided that we wouldn't announce it until my official 20 week ultrasound

and it gave me some time to sort through my feelings.

I tried to convince myself early on that this would be a boy, but I still held out hope

for a girl.

This DOES NOT mean that I will not love this baby, or believe he doesn't belong in our family,

because he does.

It's just that... doesn't every mother want a daughter?

And doesn't every father want a little girl that will adore him?

I believe this goes the other way as well. 

The day I found out, I called one of my best friends in tears.

I told her the thing that bothered me most, was that I felt like I wasn't going to have 

a girl because I wasn't good enough to be a "girl" mom. 

Having kids all the same gender brings weird, insensitive, and mean comments from people.

Thanks to those comments, and Satan, I let the words get to me.

My dear friend cried with me, and then told me that it wasn't that I wasn't good enough.

It was that I'm a good mom to my boys, and that's what matters.

She told me that my boys are some of the only ones she knows

that are kind, considerate, and sweet.

Talking to her helped me work through my bitterness,

and helped me realize that having another boy doesn't mean I've failed.

I do feel like there's a lot of responsibility that comes with 4 boys.

They need to be respectful, and kind.

They need to be sensitive to those around them and not be crude.

They need to be worthy priesthood holders and serve missions.

Luckily, my boys have been blessed with an amazing father

that can provide them with the example they need to follow.

We're excited to welcome this new little guy into our family.

I know he belongs, and was meant to be with us.