To Our Family and Friends:

Time has finally started to move a little faster for me, and I feel like our little guy will be here before we know it. Knowing that delivery is coming, I've had a lot of feelings come back to the surface. I read a lot of websites on twin loss a while ago, and one thing that was mentioned as part of the grieving process is to write a letter to family and friends. My desk top computer is so slow it makes me want to throw it out the window, so typing a letter and printing it out isn't feasible right now. I figured a letter via blog could work as well. Maybe it's weird, but I feel like it's something I need to do for me.

Manuel and I have grown and learned a lot over the past few months. We've gained a greater understanding of the Atonement, and a deeper appreciation for Eternal families. The pain of the loss we have suffered would be far greater if we didn't know that we would see our baby again. We are grateful to have such a loving Heavenly Father, who has provided a way for us to be with our family forever.

Twin loss is a strange situation. We still have a baby that is alive and we'll be able to see soon, but we also have a baby that we have lost and will not see in this world. To us, they will always be twins, but to everyone else, we just have one baby and that's that. I've had many people tell me, "at least you still have this one" and instead of finding comfort, I felt like people thought I was ungrateful. I am SO grateful that we are lucky enough to have a surviving twin, but it doesn't take away from the fact that we have still lost a baby. It still hurts, and we will always know that a little person is missing from our earthly family.

We are so grateful for the love and support we have received from our family and friends. This is the hardest trial Manuel and I have experienced so far, and having wonderful people around us has helped ease the pain. We are so excited to see our new little man, and hope that you will understand that while this is a joyful time for us, it is also bittersweet. Thanks for all you have done and continue to do for our family.

- Holli